grunch

Not to be confused with the cantankerous hairy green sneaky-smile dude who hates Chris --- oops, I should say, da "winter holidays" --- this terms refers to the grating nerve-jarring noise made by a crabbily-dissatisfied person while chewing a less-than-pleasant-textured food in lieu of some more-palatable snack. The disgruntled person shovels in a big mouthful of said hard/lumpy comestible, presses his cheek firmly against the ear of whoever served him said "delightful delicacy" and then begins chomping slowly and irritably (making "grumpy crunch" sounds) in order to inflict maximum auditory annoyance on said stingy host, whom the eater strongly feels should have been more willing/capable of providing him with a more pleasant repast (i.e., crispy-fresh potato chips instead of somewhat-stale veggie-wafers or salt-free corn-chips which not only taste disgusting but are also now as hard as a rock because nobody else wanted to eat 'em either, and so they have been just sitting around for two weeks! Extra points if the unhappy chewer thinks to actually **add* a portion of even more "noisy" food --- like dry-roasted peanuts --- to the disgusting mix prior to falling to, since it will make said grunching all the more grindingly-deafening and thus hopefully more "persuasive" to the host, and compel him to make a trip to the supermarket or corner-grocery in search of more pleasant edibles.

Thrifty-minded parent: I always keep a little cello-pouch of disposable earplugs in my shirt-pocket, so that I can pop 'em in whenever I serve my teenage son a snack of leftovers... not only does it save my having to listen to his whiny complaining, but it also prevents my eardrums from "direct assault" while he's grunching his way through the bowlful. The food I give him is plenty good enough, and he needs to learn about economizing and being non-wasteful... I've told him a thousand times that (A) I'm not made of money and (B) there are children starving in Africa, and so I am NOT going to let perfectly good food just get thrown away, or make a special trip to Kroger's just to satisfy his discriminating palate!

by QuacksO July 21, 2018

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