the one religion where doing cocaine is a must .. seeing as it was made by L. Ron Hubbard you have to be high on coke to take it seriously .. come the fuck on L. RON HUBBARD HE WROTE FICTIONAL NOVELS FOR CHRISTS SAKE!
by Bardiel October 6, 2005
Get the Scientology mug.THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE: Xenu (sometimes Xemu) is introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and they continue to do this today, wreaking havoc in the process. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and the advanced levels place considerable emphasis on isolating them and neutralizing their ill effects. I must tell you the founder of this so-called "religion" was L.Ron Hubbard a SCIENCE-FICTION writer. Hubbard's 1958 book Have You Lived Before This Life documents past lives described by individual Scientologists during auditing sessions. These included memories of being "deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", "being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller", "being transformed into an intergalactic walrus that perished after falling out of a flying saucer", and (my personal favorite) being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago". In comparison, modern astrophysical observations have established the age of the universe at 13.7 billion (13,700,000,000) years, to within about 1% confidence. Scientology, their beliefs, and followers in a nutshell...
by el reye August 28, 2006
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scientology - 75 billion years ago, (3 times longer then the universe is belived to be by top scientists) in a federation of 11 galaxy's, warlord 'xenu' the dominant figure in the federation had a population crisis, so paraletic drugs were administored to trillions of the populus and then they were transported via dc-10 space planes, planes from the 50's and 60's, they were then dropped around the planet earths volcano's, and then atom bombs were fired inside them to instantly kill the trillions of 'thetans'. To stop the souls from escaping xenu had large force fields and ghost hovers to suck up the souls of the 'thetans' and placed them in 3-D viewing stations, basically 3-D cinema which showed 'xenu's' false gods, every other relgious belife and left them to wonder the planet eternally, but intellegent life formed and the thetans massed around the hosts and poisoned ther minds with relgion, and scientology claims to be the only way to remove this unhappyness through auditing sessions,and through a perminant subcription, and constatnt purchasing of over 3000 books on how to live in a scientological fashion. The creator as im sure you know was l.ron.hubbard, the most sly sex pest know to have exsisted, the law should forbid scientology to exsist due to it being utterly rediculous beyond belife and reason, its a money sapping con and will lead to disspear and brainwashing.
by jon puzzle March 24, 2008
Get the Scientology mug.A dangerous & manipulative pseudo-religious cult that promotes a fake religion through Hollywood (suitably called Hollyweird) connection by claiming to help eliminate unhappy memories & negative emotions from human consciousness to achieve the "Clear" status in order to attain superhuman powers like possessing the healing power of Jesus Christ, flying like Superman & fulfilling the fantasy of a mediocre Chevy Chase movie "Memoirs of an Invisible Man".
The Church of Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard who stated "the way to make a million dollars is to start a religion" in response to the run-away best-selling success of his self-help book "Dianetics" in the 50's to the stunned amazement of his fellow accomplished science fiction writers. Worse than Dominionism & Mormon Church in their strong-arming tactics reminiscent of severe threat of ostracization & bodily harm, torture & re-education in totalitarian regimes. Three things Scientology runners & its devout fucked in the head members hate the most: psychiatry, IRS and anti-Scientology bashers on the Internet.
It's no wonder European countries, Germany in particular, vigorously prosecute Scientology for its shady money-making scheme conspiring to brainwash & dupe people into donating huge portion of their hard-earned incomes through selling houses, cars, properties, et cetera (in cases of rich Hollywood actors & established musicians, advancing through the courses would be easier by immediately paying hundreds of thousands out of pocket)
Google to read the unbelievably insane June 1983 Penthouse interview with L. Ron Hubbard Junior (the founder's own son who was born severely premature because of a botched abortion by his daddy) who called the pseudo-religion Scientology "and other cults one-dimensional, and we live in a three-dimensional world. Cults are as dangerous as drugs. They commit the highest crime: the rape of the soul."
Scientology is a reprehensibly sick & monstrously evil cult & must be wiped off the face of the Earth. It hates humankind by taking the advantage of uninformed people to exploit for greed & destroy lives by blackmail & violence if they try to bolt for the exit. Yet it continues to enjoy the freedom of religion guaranteed under the First Amendment, just like Mormon church founder Joseph Smith Junior took advantage of the Constitution to start a horseshit religion to mind fuck & control believers & converts in the quest for the Almighty Dollar.
The Church of Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard who stated "the way to make a million dollars is to start a religion" in response to the run-away best-selling success of his self-help book "Dianetics" in the 50's to the stunned amazement of his fellow accomplished science fiction writers. Worse than Dominionism & Mormon Church in their strong-arming tactics reminiscent of severe threat of ostracization & bodily harm, torture & re-education in totalitarian regimes. Three things Scientology runners & its devout fucked in the head members hate the most: psychiatry, IRS and anti-Scientology bashers on the Internet.
It's no wonder European countries, Germany in particular, vigorously prosecute Scientology for its shady money-making scheme conspiring to brainwash & dupe people into donating huge portion of their hard-earned incomes through selling houses, cars, properties, et cetera (in cases of rich Hollywood actors & established musicians, advancing through the courses would be easier by immediately paying hundreds of thousands out of pocket)
Google to read the unbelievably insane June 1983 Penthouse interview with L. Ron Hubbard Junior (the founder's own son who was born severely premature because of a botched abortion by his daddy) who called the pseudo-religion Scientology "and other cults one-dimensional, and we live in a three-dimensional world. Cults are as dangerous as drugs. They commit the highest crime: the rape of the soul."
Scientology is a reprehensibly sick & monstrously evil cult & must be wiped off the face of the Earth. It hates humankind by taking the advantage of uninformed people to exploit for greed & destroy lives by blackmail & violence if they try to bolt for the exit. Yet it continues to enjoy the freedom of religion guaranteed under the First Amendment, just like Mormon church founder Joseph Smith Junior took advantage of the Constitution to start a horseshit religion to mind fuck & control believers & converts in the quest for the Almighty Dollar.
Katie Holmes is a smart, spirited & marginally talented Catholic woman who became yet another two-bit brainwashed celebrity victim because her flamer love Tom Cruise (who uses her as his beard) insist that she try being audited by Scientologist counselors...good grief Nicole Kidman called bullshit & got dumped by him.
by Sieg Heil Neocon July 15, 2008
Get the scientology mug.John: 'Did you hear that the cult of Scientology starved Lisa McPherson to death?'
Jane: 'No, what happened?'
John: 'Look it up, those people are brainwashed to be cruel.'
Jane: 'No, what happened?'
John: 'Look it up, those people are brainwashed to be cruel.'
by HopskotchMofo February 18, 2010
Get the Scientology mug.A "religion" founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubard. The central beliefs are that an alien named Xenu trapped alien souls in people, or on earth, or something like that. No one is really sure, but it's almost unanimously accepted as a science fiction money making scam because to actually find out what it's about, you have to pay a boatload of cash.
The best explanation of Scientology can be found in the season 9 South Park episode, "Traped in the Closet", where Stan is thought to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubard and Tom Cruise wont come out of the closet.
The best explanation of Scientology can be found in the season 9 South Park episode, "Traped in the Closet", where Stan is thought to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubard and Tom Cruise wont come out of the closet.
by Em K. 23 February 20, 2011
Get the Scientology mug.Hoax religion founded by science fiction author and fucktard as a tax shelter, using material from his published works of science fiction as articles of faith. It is also known in its alternate spelling as "Sollontology", as coined by TV talk show genius Gorgeous George. Scientology is not to be confused with crap.
Adherents of Scientology are primarily Hollywood celebrities, lawyers, and women who want to penetrate Tom Cruise.
Scientology drama is all too common, and most of it is extremely amusing. For instance, to advance in the faith to OT level III to learn the tale of Xenu, the galactic tyrant who stacked hundreds of billions of his frozen citizens on planes that looked like DC8's with rocket engines, and hauled them over to Earth to be thrown into volcanoes for at least 100 years before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashing them with a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days.
The traumatised thetans subsequently clustered around human bodies, in effect acting as invisible spiritual parasites that can only be removed using advanced Scientology techniques. The cost of reaching OT III is only $360,000. Central to the belief is in alien past lives, such as being "decieved into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller, being transformed into an intergalactic walrus which perished after falling out of a flying saucer and being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago". All of this was on Wikipedia, so it is guaranteed the absolute truth.
If you are completely and fully suckered in, you can join an elite sector of Scientologists, the Sea Org, which stands for "Sea Organization". This arm of the "Church" was dreamed up by Hubbard in the mid-60's because he was a) really drunk/doped out of his mind most of the time, and b) because he felt butthurt by the real U.S. Navy, who refused to give him ill-gotten glory and fame, so he made a toy navy of some real piece of shit ships. If you're a good enough and devout enough Scientologist, when you join the Sea Org, you must sign a contract that binds you to the Scientology religion, the Sea Org and L. Ron Hubbard for a billion years, pledging to "come back" in all your reincarnations to serve him for that time. In exchange you get some really nifty things... You get about $16 a week in pay, your personal I.D. taken from you and locked away so you can't jump ship, you get to do demeaning and degrading physical labour and give the Church tacit permission to put you in the "RPF" (Rehabilitation Project Force) which is a punishment gulag that will make you beg, whine and plead like a little bitch for that degrading regular labour back. You may even find yourself locked in a ship's chain locker if at sea, or in the basement of the Ft. Harrison Hotel with all that healthy asbestos. The RPF makes Gitmo Bay look like Club Med. In an interesting side note, while the crew of the Sea Org were sweating and toiling at sea on the Apollo, Hubbard's Sea Org flagship, Hubbard himself surrounded himself with nubile, blonde 13 year old girls in hot pants and halter tops that he dubbed the "Commodore's Messenger Organization" or "CMO". He did this because running Scientology is serious fucking business. Sadly for him, he was also impotent.
Most agree that it is batshit insane, and Battlefield Earth was as good a movie as getting jackhammered in the urethra for 3 hours. Scientology is, however, a very important part of society; it is one of the main sources in the Western world for the lulz.
Adherents of Scientology are primarily Hollywood celebrities, lawyers, and women who want to penetrate Tom Cruise.
Scientology drama is all too common, and most of it is extremely amusing. For instance, to advance in the faith to OT level III to learn the tale of Xenu, the galactic tyrant who stacked hundreds of billions of his frozen citizens on planes that looked like DC8's with rocket engines, and hauled them over to Earth to be thrown into volcanoes for at least 100 years before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashing them with a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days.
The traumatised thetans subsequently clustered around human bodies, in effect acting as invisible spiritual parasites that can only be removed using advanced Scientology techniques. The cost of reaching OT III is only $360,000. Central to the belief is in alien past lives, such as being "decieved into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller, being transformed into an intergalactic walrus which perished after falling out of a flying saucer and being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago". All of this was on Wikipedia, so it is guaranteed the absolute truth.
If you are completely and fully suckered in, you can join an elite sector of Scientologists, the Sea Org, which stands for "Sea Organization". This arm of the "Church" was dreamed up by Hubbard in the mid-60's because he was a) really drunk/doped out of his mind most of the time, and b) because he felt butthurt by the real U.S. Navy, who refused to give him ill-gotten glory and fame, so he made a toy navy of some real piece of shit ships. If you're a good enough and devout enough Scientologist, when you join the Sea Org, you must sign a contract that binds you to the Scientology religion, the Sea Org and L. Ron Hubbard for a billion years, pledging to "come back" in all your reincarnations to serve him for that time. In exchange you get some really nifty things... You get about $16 a week in pay, your personal I.D. taken from you and locked away so you can't jump ship, you get to do demeaning and degrading physical labour and give the Church tacit permission to put you in the "RPF" (Rehabilitation Project Force) which is a punishment gulag that will make you beg, whine and plead like a little bitch for that degrading regular labour back. You may even find yourself locked in a ship's chain locker if at sea, or in the basement of the Ft. Harrison Hotel with all that healthy asbestos. The RPF makes Gitmo Bay look like Club Med. In an interesting side note, while the crew of the Sea Org were sweating and toiling at sea on the Apollo, Hubbard's Sea Org flagship, Hubbard himself surrounded himself with nubile, blonde 13 year old girls in hot pants and halter tops that he dubbed the "Commodore's Messenger Organization" or "CMO". He did this because running Scientology is serious fucking business. Sadly for him, he was also impotent.
Most agree that it is batshit insane, and Battlefield Earth was as good a movie as getting jackhammered in the urethra for 3 hours. Scientology is, however, a very important part of society; it is one of the main sources in the Western world for the lulz.
by Your ugly May 20, 2007
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