Jack Bauer

A man shoots a woman and inserts his penis into the bullet wound.

I Jack Bauer'd a girl last night.

by tony almeda 2 April 18, 2009

Jack Bauer

A man who enjoys dominant roleplay in the bedroom, having his partner at his complete mercy and torturing them until they submit to his will. A male version of a dominatrix, if you will.

So named for the lead character of the hit Fox series "24", Jack Bauer will do whatever it takes to thwart terrorism and is notorious for his brutal interrogation methods.

I heard her boyfriend's a total Jack Bauer; I never thought she was into that kind of thing.

or

Yeah, I pulled a Jack Bauer on her. She was begging me to let her do me by the time I was done.

by Crazy Pelirrojo April 20, 2009

Jack Bauer

Literally the sexiest man to walk the planet. His genitals drag the floor as he moves. His physique is like no other. He is like a mixture between The Rock and The Michelin Man. I would let him go beast mode on me no homo ;)

I want to fuck Jack Bauer.
I want Jack Bauer to cum inside me.
Jack Bauer has a monster dong.

by sgraveyy February 3, 2020

"jack bauer"

Not to be confused with the primetime superhero, a "jack bauer" is probably the opposite of the man named Jack Bauer. The term originates from the term "bauer", which is a combination of the words beer and shower. In other words, a bauer is when you drink a beer while showering. To make it a "jack bauer", one must "jack it", or masturbate, while drinking a beer in the shower.

"Hey man, you wanna head out to that party now?"
"Yeah, let me just take a "jack bauer" first."
"Oh good call bro, I was gonna go do the same. But in my own shower. Why are you still putting quotes around jack bauer in this example conversation by the way?"
"Urban Dictionary made me do it. Also, I just got this thing that my laptop can sit on in the shower, so now I can watch internet porn during my jack bauers. Best jack bauers ever."
"This is an obnoxiously long conversation about a ridiculous topic."
"Ridiculously awesome."
"Word."

by doittoit88 January 30, 2009

Jack Bauer Power Dump

1. Noun
During the commericals on 24, Jack Bauer quickly takes huge shits that are both extremly quick and extremly potent
2. Verb
To take a Jack Bauer Power Dump
When out in public and you have to take a dump really bad and have to use a public toilet but don't want to spend a lot of time on the seat so you force everything out really fast.

"Man, I just took a huge Jack Bauer Power Dump."
"Jack where have you been?" "Taking a Jack Bauer Power Dump."

by Crapper July 22, 2008

Jack Bauer Shower

Improvising personal hygiene solutions when not having the time or means to take a real shower. For a true Jack Bauer Shower, one has to use Lysol antibacterial wipes on one's nether regions. The pain means it's working.

Dude1:"Dude, you stink like shit dipped in vinegar and your interview is in 10 minutes!!!"
Dude2: "Time for a Jack Bauer Shower!!"


Reporter: "You've been lost in the woods for 2 weeks! How did you stay so fresh?!"
Jack Bauer: "I'm Jack Bauer."

by MathKills February 10, 2009

jack bauer cream pie

When you bake a pie for the bad president you have a orgasm in his pie haha watch him eat it

I'm Jack Bauer and I'll make you eat my famous jack bauer cream pie

by dvbennett March 19, 2020