functionally-retarded

Adjective describing a person(s) who has just enough brain cells to survive; devoid of common sense and mental aptitude.

Dave is such a tool. I bet he can't even wipe his own ass. He's functionally-retarded.

People suck. Most of the general public is functionally-retarded.

by Brett319 June 17, 2008

Functional alcoholic

Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.

Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".

Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.

by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016

Langley Foundation for Social Betterment

US Central Intelligence Agency

Ben - Did you see the CIA just disclosed the Russians are behind directed energy attacks against official Americans in Havana and elsewhere?
Harold - Dude, we don’t use the term CIA anymore! It’s the “Langley Foundation for Social Betterment”
Ben - Dude, you’re wack.

by Mil3druid4 July 19, 2021

Functionally High

When a person smokes enough marijuana to feel its effects, but not enough to alter competence at regular daily tasks or create a lasting low after the effects have worn off.

Becoming functionally high is a skill that comes naturally for some, and for others takes a long time to develop and master.

Person 1: I just got some killer bud from a friend of mine. Wanna smoke?

Person 2: Ok, but I have work in an hour. I guess I'll go in functionally high.

by DJAlexxander September 8, 2011

Make A Wish Foundation

A children's charity organization for terminally ill children up to 18 years of age. Grant's a dying child their one wish in life, no matter how extreme.

Foundation: You are only 12 and we grieve your time is so short, Timmy. What can our foundation do for you?

Timmy: ...

Foundation: Anything you want Timmy! Do you want to meet your favorite football player? Own an Xbox 360 and tons of games? Drive a ferrari?

Timmy: NO GODDAMNIT! I want some ass! ASS!!! ASS ASS ASS AND MORE ASS, and lots of it, I tell you! I want the hottest bitches up in my hospital room, huge titties in each hand, and the best fucking weed ever grown.

Foundation: Timmy, you got it! That's what the Make a Wish Foundation is all about, helping kids fulfill their dreams!

by The Gimp November 5, 2012

too gay to function

A male who is blatantly gay but acts like he is still in the closet and no one knows, when around other males, he cannot help but be flustered and out of sorts

Damian from the movie, Mean Girls is still "too gay to function" in Mean Girls the Reunion

by 5GuysGoingOneWay November 21, 2013

foundation

Cover up is a more common word and it is used to make someone's skin look flawless.

"Why do celebrities have such perfect skin?"
"Foundation hides their scales duhh!"

by Mrs.Marley June 12, 2007