School Computer 

Either school issued laptops or the computers found in the library and computer labs.

Characteristics of a school computer:

-Trash hardware

-SHIT processor and graphics card, inability to run any games. Even something as simple as Minecraft or Roblox wouldn't start, forget about running anything decent.

-Inability to run even anything, even opening up Microsoft Word might crash the computer.

-Grainy 480p monitor from the 70's

-Extremely strict and unnecessary parental controls. Nearly every site will be blocked even the ones such as YouTube and Agar.io. The parental controls are the only thing on the computer that even works

-A pain in the ass and a bad time. You're better off buying a $500 computer yourself

Person 1: This school computer is trash, It can't even open Minecraft
Person 2: Yeah, let's just save for a real computer.

School Computer by TheExtremeEvoker December 24, 2018

old computer 

slow

when your friends are slow asf
unable to function

takes forever to catch on

Holly: Demi do you know how many days are in the year?
Demi: No, uhh 267?
Holly: shaking my fucking head. you’re an old computer

old computer by veronica cancklep June 9, 2018

computer dick 

Similar to whiskey dick. It's when you are on a date with a girl and can't get it up because you spanked it all day while on the internet.

Friend: "How was your date with Suzy?" You: "Ah man, I had computer dick and couldn't get it up." Friend: "Are you fucking cereal? She's hot!"

computer dick by Rockabee September 10, 2014

computer tourettes 

This symptom occurs when a computer is too slow or crashes unexpectedly. The user of the computer becomes extremely agitated and starts madly clicking on the mouse and swearing uncontrollably.

When MS word froze, the author realized he did not save in the past 2 hours. Fearing that he would lose his work, he started to click wildly on the keyboard. When the title bar indicated (Not Responding), he suddenly developed a case of computer tourettes. Click, click %$#!@@?*&! Click, @$$!*&&$#@!

computer tourettes by La Femme Dorothy July 28, 2008

hand computer 

That thing that you look at all day that is small and does a billion more things than a "phone" but you and all your friends call it a "phone" when clearly it's really a hand computer.

Hey how do we get to that happenin party?
I dunno man, lemme whip out my hand computer.
Your what?
Hand computer.

hand computer by Hottdiggidydog August 28, 2019

School Computers 

They barely work nowdays.

We don't use Windows 7 (aka School Computers), we use Windows 10.

School Computers by ROBLOX #1 Fan November 12, 2018

Speaking Computer

The language of a person when they lag so hard while on FaceTime or zoom that only computer noises are heard when they speak.

I can't hear a thing you just fucking said, you're speaking computer

Speaking Computer by theurbanpoet69 April 25, 2020