pressure wank

When you shout your Mum and then begin wanking.

The idea is you bolt your load before she opens the door.

"Mum"
"Yeah"
"come here"
(begin pressure wanking)
(Bolts load)
(door opens)
"Yes?"

by _pete_ November 15, 2006

Ear Wank

To Ear Wank (verb) is the act of firmly inserting a finger into one's own ear and then fairly vigorously jerking the hand up and down.

The person who is "ear wanking themselves off" experiences an intense satisfaction; not dissimilar to, yet still distinct from, the same satisfaction experienced when scratching an unpleasant itch.

An Ear Wank (noun) comes from the verb, and describes the act of undergoing an ear wank.


Note that it is possible in theory to ear wank other people off, but due to the risks involved (eg. ear wax) it is rarely practiced and not widely accepted in Western Society.

Alex: "Tom... WHAT are you doing?"

Tom: "I'm ear wanking."

Alex: "Oh. Looks weird."

Tom: "Yeah."

by Mrweh October 18, 2008

Sandpaper Wank

An unpleasant/painful experience, which could be likened to masturbating with sandpaper.

"Wasteman! That exam was like a sandpaper wank"

by Eazy-JT January 20, 2010

Cry wank

When you're a sad fuck and horny at the same time

Mike: god i wanna kill mah self
Tyler: why don't you just cry wank
Mike: *proceeds to kill himself*

by Sad fuck March 25, 2020

wasted wank

When the act of maturbation is disturbed causing loss of momentum or ejaculation in your pants because some inconsiderate person has turned up uninvited

I downloaded some wicked porn last night and was knocking one out then my mum walked through the door 2 hours early as I was just about to shoot my load, what a wasted wank

by Djc2508 January 16, 2014

Wank fairy

A mysterious being who, after a guy has masturbated in bed and not bothered to wipe up after, arrives and cleans up the area.

Responsible for the disappearance of cum

"The tooth fairy takes teeth - the wank fairy takes jizz - simple as that"

by Benjalo November 16, 2009

Wank Beam

wank beam - a beam across a gap of which you aim for when you ejaculate

Hey man check that wank beam over there, i bet i can jizz on that bad boy!

by Amy Walker February 2, 2010