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Jetway Jesus

Falsely needing wheelchairs at airports, to get priority boarding when getting ON the plane, but NO LONGER NEED THE WHEELCHAIRS upon arrival.
On that last flight, 14 passengers got on the plane by wheelchair, but by the time we got to Los Angeles, 10 of them had been miraculously healed by "Jetway Jesus!"
by NobodyHereButUsChickens May 26, 2024
mugGet the Jetway Jesusmug.

Jesus

That funny guy your middle age mom, 90 Year old grandpa and a couple of the neighbor kids talk about

They say he can perform miracles and heal people like fuckin shining diamond or some shit and that he’ll come back from the dead someday

I ain’t buying that nonsense!

Jesus more like jeSUS

Haha got em
Your Jesus obsessed mom: Ayy you know jebis is gonna judge yo ass for your sins someday right?

You: Nah homie that mf dead let’s get you your meds

Your mom: REEEEEEEEEE
by VeryGoodwithWords May 16, 2021
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus Bomb

A Bomb the Lord would Love ... Redbull and Red Wine of your choice 🍷🙏 Get your wings and get right with Christ... Cheers
Mike you want a cherrybomb?! Nah bro lets do a Jesus Bomb !!
by B k i z z l e January 15, 2022
mugGet the Jesus Bombmug.

Jesus Christ

honestly the coolest guy i know

these weird athiest fuckers piss me off in the definitions
by me lolita September 3, 2025
mugGet the Jesus Christmug.

Jesus

I'm not COMPARING myself to Jesus. I figured out WHY Jesus. This is just what you do to people.
Hym "Amd you don't want me to submit to Jesus. You want me to submit to you by proxy. Jesus isn't here and even if he came back today I wouldn't submit to him. AND! AND... If he is real... He can't even do anything about it because I'm immortal."
by Hym Iam March 2, 2025
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus

The Saviour of the World

Trust in Him!!
Jesus loves me this I know

For the Bible tells me so!
Little ones to Him belong

They are weak but He is strong

YEEEEES Jesus loves MEEE!
Yesssss Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves MEE!

The Bible tells me soo
by legoman67 October 1, 2025
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus

Yeah they aren't going to be in any order. It'll just be as I think of them. I actually thought of these a while ago but whatever...
Guard "Um, ah shit this is gonna suck- Harod? Um... King Harod?"

Harod "What!?"

Guard "Um... Shit... There's a guy running around saying he's the creature dawg."

Harod "Pft! What!?" *snickers*

Guard "Uh... Yeah... It's pretty bad man."

Harod "Wait, what?" 🤨

Guard "Yeah, no he is walkin on water and shit... Making fish-"

Harod "MAKING FISH! OH! OOOOOOH SHIT"

Guard "Yeah........"

Harod "OOOOOH SHIT! OH! I'M HYPERVENTILATING! OOOOOH! THIS!"

Guard "Yeah..."

Harod "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"

Guard "I donno man..."

Harod "OOOOH SHIT.... He is going to fuck our shit UP MY GUY!"

Guard "Damn..."

Harod "Yeah! This is not a good thing. What's happening right now? We are fucked! Oh man- Where is it!? What is it even doing!? What do I even call it!?"

Guard "He's- Yeah... He's like a guy man. He's Jesus. He's got a name and everything. He's like a guy now... In the world. Just HERE."

Harod 😨

Guard "Yahp..."

Harod "Get it. Get rid of it. Wait! Bring it here... Bring it here I need to see it."

Guard "How... Am I supposed to..."

Harod "Bwah, shit I don't know... Get a bunch of guys. Grab him. Put him in a sack."

Guard *sigh*

Harod "Yeahyeah I know it's... Look. We gotta get it man. Holy shit this is really bad..."

Guard "Yeah... Alright..."
by Hym Iam August 9, 2023
mugGet the Jesusmug.

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