Surprise? Jesus!

Waking up to active morning sex to find someone you would not have chosen to have sex with had you been sober.

After a long night at the club, I woke to morning sex, saw them and said “Surprise? Jesus!”

by Deckard253x May 20, 2020

Polish Jesus

Very cool kid known as "chill guy" or "depression god"
Long-hair guy, no-smoke and Shephard lover and not sure about that
Loves life and no smoke for sureee
When they ask me: "Watchuuu doinggg?" I answer: " VINTAGE and I'm good"

Girl 1: Have you seen the new student Polish Jesus, he looks quite focus on studies and minimalistic
Girl 2: Are you sureeeee&watchuu doinggg???
Girl 3: Shephard likes this Polish Jesus for sureeee.

by Lil Khan December 11, 2019

Mother of Jesus Christ

Something you yell out when your team is losing or you have to pay a expensive bill.

John- Mother of Jesus Christ i can't believe the Patriots are losing to the Raiders

Me- I guess the patriots just suck

by Crzyfkr October 08, 2010

Tulum Jesus

Currently in Tulum. Dressed in robes, preaching peace with mystical medallions strung around, wears huaraches and wears a mystical hat of wizardry. Fine maidens are drawn, riding a chariot scooter of high value. His presence is sufficient, the few words spoken are of great value. Many skins are worn to effectively converse with the people.

“Behold brethren! Tulum Jesus is among us! We must draw near to hear interesting stories from all the lands!”

by ServantA August 20, 2021

Jesus Handshake

A Jesus handshake is when someone spits on a cock then sucks it passionately while jacking it off and rubbing the balls. Once the man cums, they smear the cum all over the hands and rub it in their face then rub the cock on their eyes.

Person 1: Yo this person maya is a hot chick
Person 2: Yeah she gave me a good ol’ Jesus handshake!

by Cosmiccun7 December 13, 2022

jesus chfist

i spelld jesus chris twrpng dajmmit

frick ims tupid jesus chfist

by hannahahnahah October 29, 2019

jesus fucking christ

when ur actually severely injured and.......

Rob: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY FUCKING ARM IS FUCKING CUT OPEN LIKE A PUSSY GOD HELP THE FUCKING PAIN FGFHTDGHFHGDHDFSGRSGHFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKK *inhales* AHAGAGAHGAGAHYHAHAAAAGAGAGGGAGAAAAAAÀÆAAAAAA *lungs start to collapse* HAGHAGHAGAHHGAGAGEEEAAAAAAAAA WHYYYYYUUUUUU AUGEGHGHGHGHGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *right lung is collapsed* LORD PLEASE SEND ME TO HEAVEN BEFORE I DIE I'M SORRY FOR BEING HORNY, WATCHING HENTAI, AND JERKING OFF, AGAHAGAFGFFGAAAAAAAAAA *fucking dies*

by XxXdickblue1XxX November 16, 2021