shit in my hands and clap

Sarcastic Reply.
when asked to do something unpleasant or tedious, this response sums up how horrid you think that task is- and you are not going to do it .

Teacher: Smith, can you help me to hand out these excercise books to the rest of the class?
Smith: no chance...I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. Sir.

by Mr Cunninglinguist August 20, 2013

shit your pants and dive in and swim

a phrase often used when a person is left without options for a given situation... basically when someone is totally fucked and there is nothing they can do about it

Joe told me the cop pulled him over for running a stop sign and found a quarter pound of weed and an open bottle of gin in the car... He asked me what to do and I told him to just "shit your pants and dive in and swim".

by druman930 July 12, 2011

Shit is fucked up and bullshit

Commentary on the economy during 2011 Occupy Wall Street protests. The grammar may be wrong, but the sentiment is there.

Suit: Get a job you lazy hippie!

Protester: Hey man, don't you know shit is fucked up and bullshit on Wall Street? There aren't any jobs left.

by 99Percent October 14, 2011

I would rather shit on my hands and clap

When someone would like you to go, do or attend something you rather wouldn't.

Friend: hey do you wanna go for a Nandos?
Me: I would rather shit on my hands and clap.

by Drbigman May 28, 2016

Well, shit in my mouth and call me your sister

An sarcastic exclamation that can be used in a variety of ways. Usually used to to emphasize how glaringly obvious something that has been said is.

A: I had to go to school yesterday.
B: Well, shit in my mouth and call me your sister - student's going to school? Really?

by DarkLite January 19, 2007

shit, shave, shower and shine

Originating in the U.S. Army of WWII, this is the shorthand slogan to describe the hygiene preparation an enlisted soldier must do to ready himself for a military inspection by superiors.

"Shine" refers to the careful and thorough polishing of one's black military boots.

Now it has entered civilian use to mean preparation for any important social event in which one must look good, often abbreviated nowadays to just "shit, shave and shower".

Soldier 1: "We've got an inspection later today from the brass."

Soldier 2: "Guess it's time to shit, shave, shower and shine."

by david lincoln brooks February 18, 2013

shit a brick and rape you with it

To be extremely surprised and displeased about something, normally something that effects you personaly, then the act of justice opon whomever did it.

"Dude when he finds out you backed into his car, he's gunna shit a brick and rape you with it"

by Zach "Tay Tay" April 20, 2007