jesus 

A short bald African-American guy that hides in the closet and watches me and my wife doing it. We like to pretend he's not there, but it's kinda hard 'cause you can hear him muttering stuff under his breath (while probably touching himself).

Wife- You wanna make love,
Husband- No, I think Jesus will be watching us.
W- Jesus is always watching us. He is everywhere. The Bible says so.
H- Not that Jesus, the one in our closet.

jesus by J-to the Dizzle January 19, 2019

jesus 

Jesus is God. His name is Kim SeokJin. Only jesus is lejindary.

I worship only Jesus - "IM THE ONE I SHOULD LUB IN THIS WORLD"

jesus by ibelieveyourgalaxy February 17, 2019

Jesus 

He was God in a human form. He came to earth to recieve the punishment that everybody else deserved. He did so, and anybody who recieves the sacrifice is a Christian.

Many non-Christians hate him because he asks for some submission in return.

Guy:Do you know Jesus?
Guy2:I know of Jesus
Guy:What do you think of Jesus?
Guy2:He was an idiot
Guy:Why?
Guy2:Because he asks for obedience, just because he died on some tree.

Jesus by Noogahoogah October 3, 2009

Jesus 

Quite simply He is the Messiah referred to by various cultures everywhere. He gave a new message of mercy and forgiveness. He had a very hard time selling these ideas. He still does. He performed many miracles in order to glorify God and His greatness. He's been given a bad rep by hypochristians, fanatics and other zealots who do evil things in His Name. All religions have their fanatics and Christianity (the worship of Jesus as the Son of God) is no different. Some atheists claim that Jesus never existed. Maybe some people don't think He is the Son of God, but for someone who doesn't exist He has made a tremendous impact on history and culture. Also, fairy tales generally don't last for over 2000 years. Besides, I'm not a Buddhist but there's no doubt that Siddhartha Gautama Buddha lived and died over 25 centuries ago.

Teleevangelists give Jesus a very bad name.

Jesus by I Saw U2 Live Twice December 25, 2008

jesus 

some dude who might have lived a long time ago. he tried to spread peace but ignorant people decided the need to make him god so they don't have to come to terms with their own mortality.

Guy 1:When I die ill go to heaven! cuz of jesus.
Rational human: Your an idiot.

jesus by saintdisgustus November 25, 2007

Jesus 

Really, really nice guy,
Lots of friends,
Long hair,
No shoes.

ancient greek: "Hey, look at that homeless guy- he has lots of friends"

other ancient greek: "No dude, that's Jesus"

Jesus by captain kirk----- October 3, 2010

Jesus 

A mischevious badger.

Contrary to popular belief, Jesus Christ was actually a mischevious badger...

Jesus by Zerotrousers April 13, 2011