axe handles

A method for discussing the width of a girl's ass without her knowledge. Ass width measured by how many ax handles, laid horizontally, would constitute the diameter of her rear end.

Is she cute?
No man, she's at least 2 ax handles

by Lou Stenspayce October 16, 2004

shit handed

The result of seated ass wiping, especially when combined with a crumpling paper strategy, as opposed to the equally popular fold, wipe and release or civilised method. Wiping done seated with a tilt and using the crumple method is dangerous, unsteady and frowned upon. Thus, it often results in shit residue reaching the hand, fingers, or cuff.

My loud ass boss came into the bathroom to piss and moan, so i hunkered and opted for the seated wipe and crumpling of paper so as not to draw his attention. While leaning to my left i momentarily lost my balance and bearings and inadvertently shit handed myself. I was not pleased, as i had recently eaten corn.

by mstephenfeeley December 26, 2007

one handed phone call

A phone call made whilst masturbating.

Pat O'Brien is a big fan of making one handed phone calls.

by pseudonymkiller July 28, 2009

Halter Handles

Excess flab that spills over from the underarm as a result of wearing an overly tight halter or tube top.

"that girl should not be wearing that halter top, she has halter handles!"
"but kevin likes girls who have halter handles!"

by kevinlikeshh August 13, 2009

Ham handlers

The hand like hooves of an obese person. Often including an opposable digit. To aid in the handling of hams, or the operation of mobility scooters.

Look at at the ham handlers on that! She really looks like she knows how to handle a ham.

by Escobar Marineros August 27, 2020

Dry Handed

When someone comes out of the bathroom and sees you for the first time of the night, feels the need to be polite and shakes your hand. The problem is it's completey dry. It should still be slightly wet from the washing process. You just got dry handed!

It was a tough night at work. I hung out too close to the the restroom and got dry handed three times. Thank God I brought my Purell.

by Orange Mullet January 13, 2007

left-handed smoke bender

A fictional device that you send a new member of your group (usually a scout group) to borrow from another group as a way to get rid of the new member for a while or as a hazing task.

Oops! We forgot to bring our left-handed smoke bender! Can you go around camp and see if you can borrow one for us?

by Xerxy April 28, 2006