The result of seated ass wiping, especially when combined with a crumpling paper strategy, as opposed to the equally popular fold, wipe and release or civilised method. Wiping done seated with a tilt and using the crumple method is dangerous, unsteady and frowned upon. Thus, it often results in shit residue reaching the hand, fingers, or cuff.
My loud ass boss came into the bathroom to piss and moan, so i hunkered and opted for the seated wipe and crumpling of paper so as not to draw his attention. While leaning to my left i momentarily lost my balance and bearings and inadvertently shit handed myself. I was not pleased, as i had recently eaten corn.
by mstephenfeeley November 26, 2007
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Shit hands occures when a public restroom is all out of toilet paper. A similar incident known as "shit cat" occures in the home.
Karl: Man, what's that smell?
Janet: Well, the bathroom was fresh out of T.P., so now i have shit hands.
Karl: It happens. Fuck.
by Shawn F August 25, 2006
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When you go to wipe your ass and either A) the toilet paper you've chosen to use fails resulting in shit all of your hand. B) Said toilet paper does not exist or C) Somehow shit actually finds it way onto your hand.

Also related: Poop Thumb (Which is a lessor case of above - Shit Hand)
I was in the toilet when my toilet paper ripped in half, so I have a severe case of shit hand right now.

Ever have poopthumb? Well I have shit hand, that is a whole other list of problems.
by BiggyBigs April 18, 2010
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A term used to describe someone who is being or doing something retarded.

Originated from when 'Andy' was written on the outside wall of a special school in what appeared to be feces.
Omg, stop being such a shit hand andy.

What a shit hand andy thing to do.
by xMousey March 09, 2008
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Hands covered with shit, or shit water.
He had full shit hands after he had to fish his wallet out of the pot.
by Ed Bodine August 07, 2008
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Soapy shit hands, when you have some sort of poop on your hands and when you wash them with soap and water, it makes brown bubbles, and when you’re completely done rinsing and drying it smells like soap and shit mixed together.
Dude I was wiped my ass and I went too wash my hands now I have soapy shit hands
by loltoastlol November 25, 2020
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when somebody checks yo ass by telling you something TRUE about yourself that you have been in denial about most of your life, BUT they spit it in such a cold ass way that IT literally chills your shit all the way out, putting you ass on silent mode for the rest of the damn week.
Ray: Quit trying to be something you are not! You are so afraid that people are going to find out who you really are, a marginally average or sometimes below average person. You are NOT even smart! You are NOT the scholar you think you are so you need to be real with yourself for once. Your self-assessment always leaves a lot to be desired!

Kim: Damn....(pure silence with a fucked up look on her face as her stomach turns....sound of crickets)

Ray:Simple Bitch...You just had your shit handed to you by YOUR muthafuckin truth

Kim: (silent and stunned because she just had her shit handed to her and is not sure how to recover from it)
by Unwritten June 05, 2012
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