The masturbating ninja technique

When a gentlemen decides to enter the masturbatory stage of his day, he may decide to deploy the homo sapien style (standing up) only to realize his t-shirt drops down into penile range. To avoid ejaculate or any lubratory means being transferred onto ones personnel, the ninja technique is engaged by whipping the front flap of the t-shirt over the head to create a warm, stylish, and protective measure against the army of unbelievable stickiness.

Policeman 1: "We found this fine young lad frozen to death here in the arctic tundra'.
Policeman 2: "It looks like he's been out here for weeks and missed the warm soothing touch of a woman, and decided to literally take matters into his own hands".
Policeman 1: "Correctomundo. If only he had a mentor to teach him the ways of the masturbating ninja technique, he might have pulled through".
Policeman 2: "Hey! Yeah that's true. If only he kept his shirt flipped over his head with his shoulders covered instead of taking it completely off, he'd still be here today".
Policeman 1: "Poor, poor, uninformed bastard".

by dirk digglett March 31, 2015

caught masturbating

Being made to feel shame and humiliation for something that every one else does.

Jill was caught masturbating in her dorm room, and her friends will never let her forget about it.

by Jill VanDeLay September 30, 2003

Masturbating

Something we all do but are too afraid to admit it. If you think that I'm lying when saying we all do it, then take a look at the stats: 40 million Americans consider themselves regular visitors to porn sites.

"I just masturbated," said Creepy Clyde.
OR
"I love masturbating," explained someone.

by Where the frogs February 26, 2017

violently masturbating

Niall Horan from One Direction was caught violently masturbating in Tokyo.

"Of all the boy band members I can't believe Niall was the one caught violently masturbating."

by 1directionfellow January 23, 2013

maskerbating

maskerbating - Wearing a COVID-19 mask while driving in your car alone or walking outside alone. Go do it into the privacy of your home.

I saw somebody maskerbating in their car with the windows up, and a COVID-19 mask strapped tightly onto their face.

by Crackerguy June 10, 2020

Masturbating Monkey

Gay monkey that sits in the zoo cage, shows you its dick and then jacks of to your kidz standin at the window staring at them.

Q: Mummy, what's that monkey doing?
A: Never mind. Now Tonianne get away from that window and lets go to the lion cage now.

by Sarah April 1, 2004

Masturbating

Self-gratification. The act of "playing" with your genitals, for sexual excitement/pleasure; usually to orgasm.

Can also be accompanied by watching/reading/listening to arousing material e.g Porn, films, novels...

No matter what your gender/age/race, people masturbate. Some people do it everyday and more, some people do it when they don't have a sexual partner (these people are in the minority).

Female: Either stroking/rubbing, caressing (vigorously or not) the clitoris, or using long, phallic like objects to insert inside the vagina, and rubbing it back and forth.

Male: Stroking, rubbing, caressing, apparently also 'slapping' the erect penis.

I started masturbating since when 12 (yeah, I'm sure you wanted to know that) since then I have masturbated at least once a day, I am female.

by Na May 6, 2004