A vicious creature that lives in the
ocean and attacks campers. Here are some rules to follow to prevent attracting these beasts:
1.
Don't play the clarinet poorly.
2.
Don't wave an active flashlight back and forth. (Flashlights are considered natural prey.)
3.
Don't stomp around; they take it as a challenge.
4.
Don't eat cheese. (Cubed. Sliced is just fine.)
5. Never wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion.
6. Or clown shoes.
7. Or a hoop
skirt.
8. NEVER, EVER, EVER, SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE.
9. In the event of an attack, do not
run. They are agitated by it and will seize the opportunity to attack again.
10. Do not limp, either. They hate that even more than running.
In the event you detect a nearby sea bear, or otherwise feel unsure you are located in sea bear territory, draw a perfect circle in the
sand, sit in the middle, and wait for the danger to pass. An oval is not sufficient.
Whether or not the sea bear exists is up for debate, as only
one person is known to have survived a sea bear attack. (Witnesses claim he was
incompetent enough to
try all known ways to attract a sea bear.)
