A vicious creature that lives in the ocean and attacks campers. Here are some rules to follow to prevent attracting these beasts:
1. Don't play the clarinet poorly.
2. Don't wave an active flashlight back and forth. (Flashlights are considered natural prey.)
3. Don't stomp around; they take it as a challenge.
4. Don't eat cheese. (Cubed. Sliced is just
fine.)
5. Never wear a sombrero in a
goofy fashion.
6. Or clown
shoes.
7. Or a hoop skirt.
8. NEVER, EVER, EVER, SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE.
9. In the event of an attack, do not run. They are agitated by it and
will seize the opportunity to attack again.
10. Do not limp, either. They hate that even more than running.
In the event you detect a nearby sea
bear, or otherwise feel unsure you are located in sea
bear territory, draw a perfect circle in the sand, sit in the middle, and wait for the danger to pass. An oval is not sufficient.
Whether or not the sea
bear exists is up for debate, as only
one person is known to have survived a sea bear attack. (Witnesses claim he was incompetent enough to try all known ways to attract a sea
bear.)
