crumpet dodger

A man who avoids women; typically because he is a homosexual.

"Hey Jamie, you massive crumpet dodger"

by Joni-K July 6, 2016

crumpet strumpet

UK old woman who sits around eating crumpets and flirting excessively online in chatrooms with anyone who will talk to her.

The crumpet strumpet was overly aggressive in chat.

by Goonie's Revenge September 23, 2023

Crumpet muffin

The thing kids say to be cool instead of saying mother fucker.

You crumpet muffin!

by Yolo beast yolo loo April 24, 2014

Crumpeting

When you shove a warm, buttered crumpet up your arsehole.

Last week I caught Bogdan Crumpeting.

by Lord Pervert of Shittingswell November 18, 2023

Sticky Crumpet

When a girl does her hair up in Princess Leia buns and she fellates you and a friend until you both jizz on the buns.

Me and Michael gave my girl a sticky crumpet the other evening.

by Bigjoe22?? December 30, 2021

Crumpeting

The act of a woman or person with a clitoris masturbating while laying face down.

Named after Netflix's Sex Education character Aimee, who is shown doing this in Season 1. Afterwards, she tells friends: “I’ve been wanking all night; I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off."

Crumpeting is the preferred masturbation position of many people because it puts pleasurable weight and pressure on the genitals. There is also a feminist element to the celebration of crumpeting, in that a lot of porn designed to cater to the male gaze shows women wanking on their backs, legs splayed wide so that men can see everything; in reality, plenty of women prefer touching themselves in ways that are less about performing for others and more about genuinely pleasuring themselves.

"Crumpeting is my favourite way to reach orgasm. I like to lay on top of my vibrator with the duvet pulled over me, all cosy."

by CanCanOfWorms September 26, 2023