crumpet strumpet

UK old woman who sits around eating crumpets and flirting excessively online in chatrooms with anyone who will talk to her.

The crumpet strumpet was overly aggressive in chat.

by Goonie's Revenge September 23, 2023

Crumpeting

The act of a woman or person with a clitoris masturbating while laying face down.

Named after Netflix's Sex Education character Aimee, who is shown doing this in Season 1. Afterwards, she tells friends: “I’ve been wanking all night; I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off."

Crumpeting is the preferred masturbation position of many people because it puts pleasurable weight and pressure on the genitals. There is also a feminist element to the celebration of crumpeting, in that a lot of porn designed to cater to the male gaze shows women wanking on their backs, legs splayed wide so that men can see everything; in reality, plenty of women prefer touching themselves in ways that are less about performing for others and more about genuinely pleasuring themselves.

"Crumpeting is my favourite way to reach orgasm. I like to lay on top of my vibrator with the duvet pulled over me, all cosy."

by CanCanOfWorms September 26, 2023

Crumpet fucker

A slurr to use against the British

Get some braces you crumpet fucker

by Jack sparky October 21, 2023

Crumpeting

When you shove a warm, buttered crumpet up your arsehole.

Last week I caught Bogdan Crumpeting.

by Lord Pervert of Shittingswell November 18, 2023

Crumpeteering

The beautiful art of making gas as fuck crumpets

That delicious specimen is a new feat of crumpeteering

by TapshaggerNo1 March 18, 2024

Crumpet Bumper

A person who prefers to engage in sexual activities with an older woman

"Cory really seems to be into older women"
"Ya, he's a real crumpet bumper"

by AnAverageNormalEveryDayGuy March 20, 2024

Crumlets

Small tiny dirty particles that makes u disgusted

Ew this place has too many crumlets. It is so crumletty.

by Cabincrew August 19, 2024