Crouch Wank

When you receive an unsolicited video of someone crouched down, so low you can see their goofy, in front of a mirror jerking it and blowing their load on said mirror.

Omg I just got a crouch wank from Louis on snap!!

by JamesBr November 30, 2023

Calm-down wank

When you're extremely angry, so you wank to calm yourself down.

Woah hey there, you're very angry, have a calm-down wank.

by cyclopentane June 27, 2023

Policy Wank

A person that gets off on discussing bureaucratic policy topics and sounding really technical and they might as well be jerking off but instead they get REALLY into policy chats. Also known as the aides to members of parliament and legislature who actually write the policies *and* the speaking points that politicians read off in formal political meetings.

Also related: Political circle jerk.

I don't know if I have it in me to hit the bar after work today I think it'll just be a bunch of policy wanking

by policywank November 7, 2025

(wank spanners basatoradorial fuck custard)

an ultimate cunt who should be liquidised into thalidomide wank oil and festering decomposed spunk

((wank spanners basatoradorial fuck custard) a third dan black belt shit house and fuck custard who should be stir fried in hot synthetic Kentucky fried dog shit after being arse fucked by a bisexual octopus, while his balls are steamed cleaned in hot camels piss. a), a mark five cunt with power steering and overdrive.

by bucket crutch 2 April 20, 2022

Swedish Crab Wank

When someone is wanking off or getting wanked off by someone else and their foreskin rips off while doing so.

Megan: “I gave him a Swedish Crab Wank”

by RicoIsNonce August 25, 2023

Wank Jam

The inevitable product of a 5 knuckle shuffle.

Delicious jam or preservative made with the bi-product of spanking the monkey

"Stroked the salami last night and got wank jam everywhere"

"Do we have anything to put on toast?"
"Just a bit of wank jam left in the cupboard."

"Spilled so much wank jam In my gfs mouth she went full angry on me!"

by Kik455 April 8, 2022

Trouser wank

When a girl or guy feels up a guys dick through is trousers

“How far have you gone?”
“I gave Jack a trouser wank”

by Penis_nose August 26, 2019