Creasant wank

The art of arranging your 5 favourite porn mags open at your favourite pages into an arc in front of you giving you a 180 degree visual feast to focus on whilst polishing ones trumpet
Sadly becoming more seldom practiced with the advent of on -line rhythm stimulation using tablets and computers

“Can’t wait for the mrs to go out to the bingo later

I’m backing up that much I’m gonna have me a creasant wank “

by Lord loverocket October 9, 2018

ballistic wank

A ballistic wank is where you masturbate but don't catch your load, causing it to be fired like a projectile across the room... This is usually done in hotel rooms and rental properties where the landlord is a douchebag

That hotel room was a disgrace so I decided to have a ballistic wank before I checked out

by Flat.Turd June 2, 2020

Mucky Wank

A reyt nawty n mucky as fuck wank that’s just reyt horrible n mucky x

Fiending for a reyt mucky wank reyt nar

by Cheryl.cole678 July 23, 2023

Deliveroo and wank

The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.

"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."

"You mean..."

"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."

by bighairyotter August 10, 2021

Wank muppet

The sock you use to cover your cock which catches your cum when masturbating.

He is such a wank muppet!

by Christophlambpie August 15, 2023

nostalgia wank

wallowing in nostalgia

person 1: I spent the last night listening to old playlists...
person 2: stop the nostalgia wanking already

by Vprofessional May 11, 2021

nigel suicide wank

when your having a wank just before blow load, shout of Mum( diseased and rottin), bring my dinner up please, then try and finish the job before she gets into your room

nigel suicide wank stinks

by mrs tosser October 1, 2025