Early bird gets the turd

When you take a shit in the toilet at night while there is a large population in a house (usually during family reunions) and leave it to bask in its glory and the first person to use the bathroom in the morning will have a nice suprise waiting for them.
John found a nasty shit in the toilet when he woke up one morning and Jamie said "the early bird gets the turd."
by jollygreenfucker July 07, 2011
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high rise turding event

A highly competitive, underground event held after dark in major metropolitan cities during which participants hang their asses off a high rise balcony, endeavoring to take a calculated dump onto the heads of those passing on the street below.
I’m so proud of my youngest son, he took first place in the high rise turding event last weekend and you know advanced applied physics is part of it all.
by Dr Bunnygirl August 27, 2019
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nerf hurdlin turd burglar

nerf hur·dlin' turd bur·glar
(nûrf hûrdlin tûrd ˈbərglər/)
noun

One who hurdles nerfs and burgles all available turds.
Ex. "OMG, give that back you little nerf hurdlin turd burglar!!!"
by lil-nugget January 21, 2014
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king turd of shit island

(insult) An individual who believes they are important when in fact they aren't. Usually a person in a mediocre position leading a mediocre project or team. Very prevelant in the U.S. military.
Man, look at Tom, he thinks he is so important. Me must be the king turd of shit island.
by Jim December 06, 2003
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When you need to take a crap and you let out a fart that smells exactly like crap.
by Don December 02, 2003
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you can't polish a turd

to try to "fix up" an ugly car, or to try to turn a compact rice burner into a race car.
i told that guy trying to pimp a cavi, "you can't polish a turd"
by da trick biatch November 29, 2005
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you can't polish a turd

unconvincingly attempt to make an irreconcilably bad situation look good.
They're trying to portray the poor financial reports as positive, but you can't polish a turd.
by esmith512 April 16, 2007
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