father

The guy who criticizes everything you ever do, never admits he's wrong in front of you, the guy who ejaculated into your mom, the human bank machine, the only straight guy who ever cares for you but never admits it

me: can i drive today
dad:no
me:oh come on
dad:if we die itz your fault

me:i got my ass kicked at school today
dad:you loser
me:they stole my lunch money too
dad:man you're the biggest mistake i ever made
me:...
dad:come on son lets go and hurt does guys then lets go to a buffet

by shitastic October 9, 2004

Not a father's day

A holiday for all non-fathers around the world to celebrate being not a father. To celebrate that moment of happiness when your one-night stand says, "I'm not pregnant!"

First Lady: I'm not pregnant!
President: YES, I declare today NOT A FATHER'S DAY! Hooray!!!

by Blackflame619 January 13, 2009

Father of the Brine

A three-day salt rub for a turkey

Bob Belcher uses the Father of the Brine for his Thanksgiving turkeys.

by America Lover 🇺🇸 November 20, 2018

puppy father

A male convict, usually a “lifer,” who selflessly takes it upon himself to educate the first-time prisoner about all of the new things he’ll need to know to keep himself out of trouble.

Yup, I’m a damn good puppy father; I’m definitely doing something right this time around!

by Dr Bunnygirl October 18, 2019

Father Michael Mcgivney Catholic Academy

Where every shordy is covered, and every mandem is wasting his sweetness. Ball kicks with jeans is habit, and the principle is a joke. The 129 at 2:45 is neva a motive, and the gas station only lows two mandems in. Everyother man in the school cuts hair.

Person 1: Good Morning staff & students of Father Michael McGivney Catholic Academy

Whole Class: ( trying not to laugh )

by swaggggyyyyy January 13, 2019

Restrict my airflow, father

It's a more 'pure' and 'innocent' version of saying "choke me, daddy"
It's kind of like a chocking kink

"please restrict my airflow, father....PLeAsE!!!!"

by -aYo hItMaN BAnG InTroDuCeS-- April 29, 2019

High Fructose Corn Syrup Father

A high-fructose corn syrup father is the politically correct version of a (finger quote) "Sugar Daddy". The high-fructose corn syrup father is in many ways superior to that of a sugar daddy. One of the most defining differences is the FACT that cane sugar is a more expensive food and beverage additive that can be easily substituted for the less-expensive high-fructose corn syrup food and beverage additive, while retaining the desired effect of sweetening. Thus, a high-fructose corn syrup father is more cost-efficient, it produces a higher profit margin.

Ugly friend: Hey, Anna Nicole, how come you are hooking up with Howard Marshall, who is 63 years your senior?
Gold-digging prostitute: cuz i want him to be my High Fructose Corn Syrup Father. gargle gargle

by JeffJonezZz July 31, 2009