Morris's Theorem

Every single, solitary, girl -- no exceptions -- looks better with longer hair than shorter hair.

I thought this girl was bad, but then I remembered Morris's Theorem and thought about how she's wasting her potential.

by Jimmy Cooks 17 February 11, 2025

the Wicker Chair Theorem

People often jump to a conclusion about something based on what they see in front of them. Said conclusion is usually not based in fact.

(setting- a hotel room in Mackinac Island)

Me: Where is the TV?

My mom: They don't allow TVs on the island.

Me: Yet another application of the wicker chair theorem!

by tiffany0128 May 21, 2011

Steve’s Theorem

“There is an inverse relationship between how much you care about the body of your car and how well you treat other people”

Man: Wow that Steve sure does take good care of his 1992 Mustang.

Other man: Yeah but he won’t let anyone touch it and everyone thinks he’s a dick. Classic example of Steve’s Theorem.

by the notorious swish May 22, 2020

Infinite Funny Theorem

1. When you create a new funny via forgetting the original funny, thus theoretically creating a source of infinite funny; When humor originates from the setup of a joke but the punchline being forgotten in a comedic fashion

2. The Scientific Theory that, if an immortal monkey spent all of eternity clicking on random keys on a keyboard, it would eventually write every joke that could possibly be conceived.

Rick: "Hey, I heard a funny joke the other day! So, a Tibetan Monk walks into a bar in order to observe the lifestyle of people living in a first world country and an urban setting, and then-"
Vick: "Wow, he walked into a bar? That must've hurt!"
Rick: "Haha, you fucking moron, that's not what I meant you failed excuse of a human being."
Vick: "So... where's the funny?"
Rick: "Oh, I forgot I was supposed to be telling a joke-"
Vick: "Hah! You forgot the funny!"
Rick: "No, it's the infinite funny theorem. By forgetting the funny, I've created another funny."
Vick: "Wow, that's pretty funny!"
Pause for laughter. If it does not ensue, then your friends are not based enough.

by Based Guitar December 20, 2020

Paslay’s Theorem

Paslay’s Theorem states that the length of the penis is more accurately described by the ratio between weight, height and penis length. Paslay’s Theorem is known to describe the phenomenon of short and skinny men seeming to have large penises regardless of length.

Damn that man is packing! No man it’s just Paslay’s Theorem.

by Signumsixty April 3, 2022

Mom's dinner theorem

Accepting what you have under the guise of "everything else sucks". Truthfully, you gave up wanting what you dont have.

You hate potatoes, you could have carrots but its late and youre sleepy - carrots are probably hard to chew so you just eat the potatoes, this is mom's dinner theorem
-
A: i dont know, i guess i like being a girl! I mean, being a dude peobably sucked just by standardization alone.

B: mom's dinner theorem?

A: id rather not think about it.

by Anoneeneemus December 17, 2024

Akehoshi Subaru Theorem

The Akehoshi Subaru Theorem states when one feels the whims of gacha due to an underlying feeling of fondness for said character (not including applications regarding “meta” reasons) one may utilize that in priority of gacha decision.

“man i really want to get childe because i like him but i dont think he’ll fit into any of my teams”
“nah man the akehoshi subaru theorem says you should get him if you like him”

by boopsae October 11, 2023