First off, Teddy Roosevelt is not human. He is a quantum fourth dimensional being. His physical form is the only way our mortal minds can perceive his greatness. During the Spanish-American War, it is said Teddy Roosevelt made the Rough Riders. False. Teddy Roosevelt was the Rough Riders. He was a literal one man army. He could liquify people with his intense stares and melt their organs with a twitch of his perfect mustache. Teddy Roosevelt became a cowboy once, but this was not by choice. He just decided to take advantage of his ability to whistle and summon horses straight from the ground. Teddy Roosevelt was once shot before trying to give a speech. The only thing stopping the bullet from entering his heart was the speech in his breast pocket. He gave the speech anyways, bleeding profusely. The doctor just started operating on him during his presentation. But see, Teddy Roosevelt cannot be harmed. His body is made of pure stem cells. He merely allowed his body to be harmed to woo the crowd. All medical records of Teddy Roosevelt have been hidden away, because each time he was cut open to be operated on, they just found a smaller Teddy Roosevelt inside of him. Not a baby, but a homunculus, monocle included. It is said Teddy Roosevelt died in his sleep. His Vice President stated that should Teddy have been awake, there would have been a fight. This is partly true. Teddy would in fact have gone mano y mano with the grim reaper himself.
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"Obviously you haven't heard of our lord and savior Teddy Roosevelt."
"Obviously you haven't heard of our lord and savior Teddy Roosevelt."
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