Halt! Identify!

What androids say to intruders. This allows them to determine whether or not the intruder is an android himself, as android-non android relations is frowned upon in the Commonwealth. Upon detection of a non-android body within the range of his visual scanners, an android may sound the alarm, whereupon the intruder will be instantly vaporized by alarm-response androids. As such, it is recommended that if a non-android wishes to "learn the ways" of the android, that he or she must follow the following directions:

Step 1: Crouch outside of the range of the android's visual scanner.

Step 2: Sidle up to the android in question, being sure not to look it in the eye.

Step 3: If the android does not detect an intruder, commence learning the ways of the android.

Note: This works best in close proximity to the Commonwealth Public-Use Industrial Capacitive Reactive Surface #36, colloquially known as the "Boss Door."

Android #1 is minding his own business, guarding a resting Mobile Grinder.

Intruder: "Why hello there Android #1! Might you direct me to the nearest Boss Door, or perhaps to a checkpoint?"

Android #1: "Halt! Identify!"

Intruder: "Oh dear, I must have offended his delicate sensibilities. Time to block and release."

by Dr. Hugo Roflstomp July 23, 2010

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