A department at a large company that oversees the advancement of Cubans and other hispanics at the expense of Caucasians.
by Jean Shepherd January 19, 2010
Get the Cuban Resources mug.If a company is a house, then Human Resources is the septic tank; all the shit goes there. Human Resources, better known as HR, is the lowest place in a corporation's hierarchy, although they make themselves important by gaining the ability to control who works and who doesn't. To be a success in HR one must lose all trace of humanity and become a robot (becoming a whore is also advisable.) To paraphrase Willie Nelson,"mommas, dont let your babies grow up to be HR drones, don't let 'em be robots or whores or sluts, make 'em be robbers or car thieves and such....."
when i was a child, i thought like a child, but when i grew up and started working in Human Resources, i knew i had lost my soul, and to appease my new gods i fired my best friend, my girlfriend, my brother, an Iraqi war veteran with a silver star and a distinguished service cross, and the guy who saved me from drowning when i was a kid. what a good day's work!!
by earpuller December 2, 2010
Get the Human Resources mug.A fat ungly bitch who works in the HR departement of a company, and who thinks she's the boss of everyone, screaming and making scenes with other employees. This behaviour is due to the lack of self accomplishment she is experienceing.
(regular employee)"Hi Cindy, could you give me a empty type B form?"
(Human Resources bitch)"(yelling)What the fuck!? Can't you see I'm busy?(no she's not)?! Get your own fucking form!!!"
(Human Resources bitch)"(yelling)What the fuck!? Can't you see I'm busy?(no she's not)?! Get your own fucking form!!!"
by TenHands March 2, 2011
Get the human resources bitch mug.The Gestapo arm of (inept) corporate middle management.
They enforce the law of the large corporate ladder in that you must not unintentionally threaten the job of anyone above you by outperforming them through hard work to deliver positive results for the organisation even if that hard work is necessitated by their ineptitude.
You must earn them their promotion first in order to "build relationships" so that they do not turn the corporate Gestapo onto you for investigation into your behaviour (a witch hunt in which you are accused) where the outcome is that your bridge will ultimately be burned and the inept corporate middle manager will not be found out until after your bridge has been burnt and they have staved of their eventual sacking from the hard work you have done in order to ensure positive outcomes for the organisation.
They enforce the law of the large corporate ladder in that you must not unintentionally threaten the job of anyone above you by outperforming them through hard work to deliver positive results for the organisation even if that hard work is necessitated by their ineptitude.
You must earn them their promotion first in order to "build relationships" so that they do not turn the corporate Gestapo onto you for investigation into your behaviour (a witch hunt in which you are accused) where the outcome is that your bridge will ultimately be burned and the inept corporate middle manager will not be found out until after your bridge has been burnt and they have staved of their eventual sacking from the hard work you have done in order to ensure positive outcomes for the organisation.
Employee: Holy Shit! This situation has led the organisation to be in a position where it cannot deliver to expectations.
Manager: Get it done Richard!
Employee: Right on it Sir/Madam. You can count on me.
Manager: Thanks Richard! Human Resources, please investigate Richard the nigger for not being in line with the mission and values of the organisation.
Corporate Gestapo: Ya Voll, Herr Middle Manager. You can count on us - we know the law and we are the law. We will performance manage this mofo because we are professionals.
Manager: Get it done Richard!
Employee: Right on it Sir/Madam. You can count on me.
Manager: Thanks Richard! Human Resources, please investigate Richard the nigger for not being in line with the mission and values of the organisation.
Corporate Gestapo: Ya Voll, Herr Middle Manager. You can count on us - we know the law and we are the law. We will performance manage this mofo because we are professionals.
by Honest Richard November 20, 2013
Get the Human Resources mug.When you look at your past schoolwork/use Google to help you on a test or anything to do with school. It's not cheating.
Person 1: Why are you looking up the answers? That's cheating!
Person 2: I'm just using my resources!
Person 1: Oh, you're right!
Person 2: You should be using your resources too.
Person 2: I'm just using my resources!
Person 1: Oh, you're right!
Person 2: You should be using your resources too.
by maddytheweirdo April 23, 2020
Get the using your resources mug.A pompous job title self-servingly contrived by human resource (HR) "professionals" to be applied to themselves, obviously intended to justify the existence and further expansion of the HR function within business organizations. A further objective of this ruse appears to be propagation of the illusion that the HR function possesses a holistic grasp of broader strategic issues facing the organization enabling it to contribute expanded economic value and thereby providing justification for elevated compensation demands for HR staff.
A look at online job advertisements will confirm that the use of this title is spreading faster than a California wildfire, giving credence to the notion that this scheme was recently cooked up in some HR industry association initiative as a way to rebrand HR "professionals" as being more than the administrative paper pushers they, in fact, are.
The absurdity of this inflated moniker is further appreciated when one considers that no other functions appear to have widely implemented similar titles in their functions. For example, one seldom sees job postings for bizarre titles such as "engineering business partner", "sales business partner", or "legal business partner".
A look at online job advertisements will confirm that the use of this title is spreading faster than a California wildfire, giving credence to the notion that this scheme was recently cooked up in some HR industry association initiative as a way to rebrand HR "professionals" as being more than the administrative paper pushers they, in fact, are.
The absurdity of this inflated moniker is further appreciated when one considers that no other functions appear to have widely implemented similar titles in their functions. For example, one seldom sees job postings for bizarre titles such as "engineering business partner", "sales business partner", or "legal business partner".
Castle: "Hey Russo, what's with that new idiotic title of yours I saw on LinkedIn? Human Resources Business Partner? You've got to be kidding me."
Russo: "Come on Frank, it's a title to reflect the greater value I bring to the business."
Castle: "Jesus, Billy, you and I both know you that you don't know a damn thing about business and that the only reason you’re in HR is because you flunked out of all the other departments."
Russo: "Come on Frank, it's a title to reflect the greater value I bring to the business."
Castle: "Jesus, Billy, you and I both know you that you don't know a damn thing about business and that the only reason you’re in HR is because you flunked out of all the other departments."
by Clark F. Kent March 21, 2019
Get the Human Resources Business Partner mug.The sort of people who, when considering CVs of job applicants, remove from the list people who are better than them, just to protect their jobs. Devious evil scum, who are in personnel or human resources because they have fucked up every other job, fucked the General Manager or both.
The sort of people who, when considering job applicants to run post-invasion Iraq, would consider Saddam Hussien, Fidel Castro or Robert Mugabe, as a) They all hold Doctorates. b) "Have relevant experience and contacts." c) Have done the job before.
by gremlin February 22, 2005
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