tempting the turtle 

the act of subtly exciting oneself, by discreetly flicking the end ones knob, often in public.

1.Ethan. "dude it looks like that guy is playing with himself under the table".
Chris. "yea hes totally tempting the turtle".

2.Mitch. "oh my god I'm so board, i totally feel like tempting the turtle.

tempting the turtle by spongecarrotsaysmoo December 6, 2009

Leveling Your Turtle 

Another term for a guy masturbating

Cmon dude whats takin so long in there!? What are you leveling your turtle?

Leveling Your Turtle by Sanny C June 11, 2010

bert the turtle

A turtle used in the '50s to promote "Duck and Cover" in the case of an atomic bomb exploded. You can watch the video on you tube.

Tert The Burtle said, "Cuck and Dover" --- er, i mean, Bert the Turtle... same differemce

bert the turtle by Mr. Stinkypride February 2, 2017

tits on a turtle 

Someone who is basically useless

She is basically tits on a turtle

tits on a turtle by Curly March 22, 2017

Imma go polish my turtle 

When a person feels uncomfortable in a sentence an feels the need to leave suddenly without alarming or making the other person/people mad. Also used to make your exit more lighthearted and funny.

"Aoife i heard you like Cole. But hes my ex."
"Welp imma go polish my turtle BOB junior now TA"

Imma go polish my turtle by aoifemxgann June 6, 2017

SPANKING THE TURTLE 

The act of trying to slap a turtle head back up your luscious cheeks to avoid sheer embarrassment and the otter humiliation that comes with shitting your pants. This commonly done when restrooms are not available.

“Bro, I was SPANKING THE TURTLE 🐢 in hopes I would make it to a bathroom in time.”

SPANKING THE TURTLE by Steven dickerson June 17, 2018

Wiping the Turtle's mouth 

When you are trying to poo (shit) but the faeces gets lodged in the opening to the anal cavity, often known as a turtle's head poking out. When you can push no more, but the turtle remains trapped, wiping during this scenario is known as Wiping the Turtle's mouth.

Craig came back from the dunger and informed Jon "That was a tough one Jon, I just ended up wiping the turtle's mouth" Jon understood instantly.

Wiping the Turtle's mouth by Broaders September 6, 2019