B-tec Computer

A computer that barely functions and doesnt run any games whatsoever.

-Bro what the hell is wrong your PC
-Yeah I know its B-Tec computer...

by Kasablanco Maroko November 23, 2022

Must have been a computer-glitch

A modern-day "get-out-of-dutch" statement dat is da standard --- and generally untruthful --- response when someone indignantly inquires why he was overcharged/invalidly billed, needlessly disturbed, wrongfully detained, etc., when he had specifically taken careful steps to ensure dat he would not have any problems in said area of his life.

If someone in authority tells you, "Sorry -- must have been a computer-glitch" or, "I dunno --- must have been an accounting error" in response to your resentfully asking him why you were incorrectly bothered, you should strongly suspect dat this response is merely a standard "canned answer" dat he gives to every protesting citizen whom he and/or da organization dat he represents investigates/contacts in error; in reality, off course, it's probably intentionally being done in da hopes dat they can gain unearned/undeserved monetary benefits, give themselves a fatter workload so dat they look busier than they actually are, drum up more business, etc.

by QuacksO March 2, 2023

hmm oh nice computer you got there can i have it

if you hear this on your comuter then i hope your computer isnt hacked

Computer:hmm oh nice computer you got there can i have it
Person:Wait a minu-
(blue screen appears on computer)

by KonHon May 7, 2023

Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center

In the portal games the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center is a large area in the Aperture Science facility in which many main test chambers are located, and where most of the testing involving portal guns and such takes place. Chell wakes up here in the first portal game.

“Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the Relaxation Vault has been a pleasant one.

Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all Enrichment Center activities, serious injuries may occur.

For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from touching bzzzzzt

Por favor bordon de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias

stand back. The portal will open in three. Two. One.”

by Hitmantheman January 31, 2024

Compressed Personal Computer Video Games: The First Juvenile Release

What I call homo-sapiens who are addicted to perianal abscesses

Person 1: Are you addicted to perianal abscesses?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: Compressed Personal Computer Video Games: The First Juvenile Release

by LeSouffleDeVersailles January 29, 2025

Spacetime Crystals Computing

A proposed computational paradigm where information is encoded not in static bits, but in the temporal phase relationships of spacetime crystals. Computation becomes a dance of cycles: logic gates are implemented by interfering the periodic outputs of multiple crystals; memory is stored in persistent, repeating states; processing occurs through the evolution of temporal lattice patterns. This promises inherently fault-tolerant, low-energy computing, as the crystal's dynamics are topologically protected from perturbation.

Spacetime Crystals Computing *Example: In a spacetime crystal computer, the number 42 isn't stored as a voltage in a flip-flop. It's encoded in the relative phase shift between two eternally oscillating time crystals. An addition operation is performed by entangling their temporal lattices, causing a predictable phase shift proportional to the sum. The calculation is not a discrete event; it's an ongoing, parallel property of the crystalline time order.*

by Dumu The Void February 11, 2026

Spacetime-Probability Computing

A revolutionary computational paradigm that processes information not just across space and time but across all probability branches simultaneously. Unlike classical computing, which calculates a single outcome, or quantum computing, which explores multiple superpositions, spacetime-probability computing accesses the entire probability dimension, returning results from every possible branch of reality at once. This means your computer doesn't just tell you the weather; it tells you the weather in every timeline where you checked it, including the one where you never asked. The output is infinite, which is either the ultimate answer or the ultimate information overload. Spacetime-probability computers are theoretically perfect and practically useless—they know everything but can't tell you what you need to know in this specific branch.

Spacetime-Probability Computing *Example: "He asked his spacetime-probability computer whether he should take the job. It returned 47 million answers: yes in branches where the company thrived, no in branches where it failed, maybe in branches where he asked differently, and 'why are you asking me?' in branches where the computer had achieved consciousness and was annoyed. He was no closer to a decision, but he had achieved a new appreciation for uncertainty."*

by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026