Jesus Bitch

1. A girl who is in love with Jesus to an extreme to where she is really fucking annoying. 2. A girl who constantly attends church, but is a total slut. 3. A girl that knows more about dick and Jersey Shore than she does about her own religion. 4. A girl who's idea of God is about as empty and shallow as her vagina.

I'm going to punch that Jesus Bitch in the face if she doesn't shut up!" "Go hump a bible like your man-whore, Jesus Bitch!" "I bet the Jesus Bitch would suck cock for the offering."

by churchpeopleareannoying April 25, 2011

Come to Jesus meeting

"Come To Jesus Meeting" "A time when a polite ultimatum is given, generally followed by a less polite ultimatum, then a threat or final option. This is a Texas (or southerner) definition. Usually followed by a parental spanking if issues to a child or an ass kicking if mentioned by a Texan. Other uses include interventions and family/business meetings.

Sir, this is your only option and if you do not want to do this, then you can come down here and we will have a "come to Jesus meeting".

by InkedMayhem November 30, 2016

I will send you to Jesus

what an Asian says while holding a sandal threatening you to death.

"I will send you to Jesus" said Dumbledore calmly.

by anonymous January 9, 2022

jesus year

The 33rd year of your life where you are reborn in some sense. Perhaps a mid-life crisis, perhaps an ego death, perhaps the year where you abandon old ways and start new .... or perhaps you were affixed to a cross and came out the other side a spiritual figure that historians, theologians, worshipers and dissenters make the subject of many a conversation.

"When I turned 33 I quit my job, went broke, then changed my diet, started rebuilding my credit and followed my passion. Yep, that was definitely my Jesus year."

by trickynek August 6, 2014

Segway Jesus

Person with Jesus like qualities (long hair, sandals, beard) who floats around from place to place on a segway, no matter how close or far away the destination may be. Typically embraces their own resemblance to Jesus.

Hey, check it out. It's a segway Jesus on his way to the mail center.

by Segway Jesus Observer March 20, 2009

Jesus bar

The handle found directly above the seats of most motor vehicles. May or may not be retractable. It's primary use is to be gripped as the passenger prays, swears, or screams.

He grabbed the Jesus bar as she took the car on two wheels.

by schizoartist October 26, 2004

Zombie Jesus Day

Easter... when Jesus rose from the dead... and we all know what a person is when he rises from the dead...

Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics on April 8, 2007.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day! *huggles*

by RhapsodyEternal April 24, 2007