church (h)usher

A Sunday-services attendant whose purported task is merely to see to da needs of da parishioners, but whose real job is to quell noisy stir-crazy children who would much rather be playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine, rather than being compelled to sit still and keep quiet inside a stuffy musty meeting-hall for two hours.

If churches would offer more-generous helpings of ice cream and/or an erectory as incentives to attend their boring sawdusty-dry sermons, there would likely be less need for church (h)ushers to be on hand to deal with crankily-impatient youngsters and teenage boys.

by QuacksO January 30, 2023

Churchophile

For those “Christian” “Catholic” whatever Jesus-toe-sucking believers that take it way too far. Think of Karen-type christians that try to throw bible verses at you to condemn you for having long hair.

“My friend met a Churchophile today.”
“Oh my god, is she okay?”
“Yeah, just “going to hell” for wearing pants..”
“Well they -were- ugly..”

by Achichleos February 2, 2023

Church Hen

A woman, often a widow or spinster, who is very actively involved with her local church but for reasons of self-importance, the opportunities afforded for gossip, loneliness or boredom rather than strong religious belief.

The church hens were furious at the changes made by the new Vicar.

by ThePillenwerfer February 15, 2023

Church steeple

Used to describe the tight spread of thighs of a girl with a tight vagina

Check the spread on her, looks like a church steeple

by Favol March 5, 2023

Church Prom

A day where people dress in their best clothes for church, similar to school prom.

Easter Sunday is also known as Church Prom day due to the prevalence of people attending church looking their best.

by GOPhater April 9, 2023

church

the place everyone should want to be. pray that the pastor can give you the key to worship god when you feel that god abandoned you because he didnt give you that wedding or car that you wish you had

despite what you saw on instagram

i love church because i never realized the prayer chapel

by Happy Christian April 10, 2023

Church organ

A wind powered instrument that causes cancer

A: i heard Jade is now cancer free!
B: thats great! i hope she never goes near a Church organ again.

by Ghost0mega_is_gay_for_solkrieg April 13, 2023