Undead Monkey

Payment for a jar of dirt

Voodoo woman: I will need payment
Cpt Jack Sparrow: Look - an undead monkey!
*Sparrow shows cage and shoots monkey in head*
*voodoo woman makes trade for a jar of dirt*

by Tsav July 18, 2006

Monkey fuck

When you light one cigarette off another cigarette.

Shit dude, my lighters dead... Mind if I get a monkey fuck?

by Jason Mark Smith December 27, 2007

super karate monkey death car

Vehicle of choice for the Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.

Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space.

by Jimmy James May 10, 2004

Monkey Man

In the spring of 2001, in New Delhi India, people began to report strange sightings and attacks of a 'monkey-man.'The police released a corny cartoonish sketch of the monkey-like attacker, who 'had claws for hands,' and went about jumping around the streets and alleys attacking innocent people as they slept. Fear and paranoia struck New Delhi as hundreds of reports came in about monkey-man attacks. Neighbors formed vigilante groups, the police formed a special unit, and politicians accused pakistan of sending a robot spy. All of this took place, reported on CNN, ABC, NBC, and David Letterman even had a top ten list about the nefarious Monkey-Man of India. People actually died. People were injured, but to this day, nobody really knows what 'monkey-man' really was. Later police, after taking part in the hysteria themselves, declared Monkey-Man a hoax.

The Monkey Man is coming, the Monkey Man is coming!

by sternwise September 30, 2006

Monkey Bear

A Monkey Bear is a mythical creature dreamed up by frustrated parents who have kids that don't pay attention or listen. They sometimes have to resort to outlandish stories in order to traumatize their children into paying attention. A child behaving now is better than paying for a psychiatrist later on in life. A Monkey Bear usually lives in a child's pajama drawer and comes out at night and scratches a child's ass regardless of age. In Belize it is also known as El Rascador de Culo or "Ass Scratcher".

Sweetie you need to listen, it's time to go to bed. If you don't go to bed the Monkey Bear that sleeps between your Little Mermaid pajamas and your SpongBob Pajamas will awaken from it's slumber and scratch your little booty.

by The man how hates pleather. July 8, 2011

horizontal monkey dance

The best name for sex ever created

Hey baby, why dont you slip off that g-string so we can do the horizontal monkey dance.

by Teabagger January 5, 2005

brass monkey

Every sailing ship had to have cannon for protection. Cannon of the times required round iron cannonballs. The master wanted to store the cannonballs such that they could be of instant use when needed, yet not roll around the gun deck. The solution was to stack them up in a square-based pyramid next to the cannon. The top level of the stack had one ball, the next level down had four, the next had nine, the next had sixteen, and so on. Four levels would provide a stack of 30 cannonballs. The only real problem was how to keep the bottom level from sliding out from under the weight of the higher levels. To do this, they devised a small brass plate ("brass monkey") with one rounded indentation for each cannonball in the bottom layer. Brass was used because the cannonballs wouldn't rust to the "brass monkey", but would rust to an iron one.

When temperature falls, brass contracts in size faster than iron. As it got cold on the gun decks, the indentations in the brass monkey would get smaller than the iron cannonballs they were holding. If the temperature got cold enough, the bottom layer would pop out of the indentations spilling the entire pyramid over the deck. Thus it was, quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.

by Mike January 29, 2005