“The truth shall set you free”

Actually, this saying is ITSELF one of the LEAST “true” statements of all time… as we are all too painfully aware, “coming clean” to the powers-that-be (i.e., parents, teachers, policemen, etc.) seldom if ever actually gains or maintains your “freedom”; in fact, usually the **exact opposite** occurs whenever you bravely/penitently reveal your shameful secrets like this --- rather than their extending any significant “charity” (i.e., mercy or forgiveness) to you in response to your trustingly/naively-admitted revelations of past transgressions, these hypocritical and out-of-touch-with-reality sadists generally do everything they can to CURTAIL your freedom and otherwise make you as miserable as possible, such as giving you an extended time-out, grounding you for an outrageously-long period, making you stay in from recess, throwing you in the slammer for a few days, and so on. So unless there is some serious injustice that your silence is maintaining (such as that an innocent person is being blamed/punished for something that you did), it’s usually wise to follow Will Roger’s advice to “never pass up a good chance to shut up”… contrary to what these authority-figures may try to assure you, they generally do **not** “have your best interests at heart”… about all they actually wanna do is try to soothe their **own** perpetually-gnawing consciences by being overly hard on anyone under their care!

My conscience was pricking me after hearing the local minister preaching about “the truth shall set you free”, and so like the total dumba** that I am, I went to the police station and admitted to the desk-sergeant about my having swiped a few candy-bars and a couple bottles of soda from the local Circle-K over the past six months; rather than just smiling and praising me for “being a good boy” to be so honest, though, the officer merely slapped da cuffs on me and made me cool my heels in jail for 48 hours! Talk about a letdown --- he didn’t even seem to care about my protests that he was blatantly going against what the preacher had just said was supposed to happen when we admit our sins! I think I’ll sue that minister for misrepresentation and deceitful speech --- I shoulda merely kept my big mouth shut, just as I always have in the past regarding stuff like this! And then he wonders why he has such a hard time gaining or keeping church-members!

by QuacksO November 25, 2018

Nantucket Free Throw

When you put your nuts inside a girl's hoo-ha!!!!!

Chase gave Shelbi a nantucket free throw last night in a jeep with no doors.

by Fullhouse April 21, 2005

Free Radical

An Islamo Fascist that got released from an interrogation prison on a constitutional stipulation.

Cancer researchers are concerned over the increasing number of free radicals being released from Guantanamo Bay.

by Heca July 5, 2008

FREE.I.P.

when you get everything - parties, food, drinks, hair, makeup, clothing, travel, etc - for free because you know all the right people, key words and hook-ups, and because you're a hustler. if you fall in this category you transcend the traditional "V.I.P." title. There's very important people and then there's FREE.I.P - the ones who have figured out how to get all the same benefits through various hustling methods. also known as the inner circle, elite hustlers, hooked up crew, those in the know, and the promoter's best friend. for more info go to strawvsgold.com. the author is the founder and quintessential example of FREE.I.P.

"I'm so broke I can't go out tonight".
"Don't trip, we FREE.I.P homie!"

"How did you get your hair cut and dyed 4 times this month?"
"I'm a model for the salon training institute. Straight FREE.I.P. baby!"

by FREE.I.P for life August 30, 2009

Whupping-Free

IN BRIEF: Free from whuppings to the point where it's an unfavorable condition.

PARENT: You must think you whupping-free don't you?

CHILD: No.

PARENT: You better act like you know then.

by Mr. Terrence L. Trezvant January 31, 2010

free Willy

The taking out of one's penis. Whipping out one's dick, usually to take a piss or get a blow job.

"Pull over, I've gotta free Willy!"
or, "When she gave me that look, I knew it was time to free Willy."

by Antenna Wilde February 14, 2008

Free Anon

An online scam artist using the internet for panhandling without any transparency into how it is being used. The term 'free anons' was coined due to the typical behavior of remaining anonymous or using the name of "Anonymous" to collect their donations. Free anons often prey on the sympathy of others but will quickly attack those who question how donations are used.

1) I entered the online chat room and was surrounding by free anons begging for change.
2) How can I take a free anon seriously when asking me for money to "pay my bills" or "free hammond"?

by clownsec December 8, 2013