The newest US Secretary of Defense Parnas was tapped by Putin’s Bitch this morning when he told his good buddy Lev that he was sorry he acted like he didn’t know him and that Parnas was “up next” for this plum job where he can work directly with Vlady and all the other good buddies in Moscow and Ukraine.
by Dr Bunnygirl November 5, 2019
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The Chewbacca Defense is a term for any legal strategy or propaganda strategy that seeks to overwhelm its audience with nonsensical arguments, as a way of confusing the audience and drowning out legitimate opposing arguments. It is thus a kind of logical fallacy: specifically, a red herring fallacy and non sequitur similar to argumentum ad nauseam.
The term originated in the animated television series South Park. In its typically hyperbolic style, the show satirized attorney Johnnie Cochran's closing argument defending O.J. Simpson in his murder trial.
The term Chewbacca Defense was first used in the South Park episode "Chef Aid", which premiered on October 7, 1998 as the fourteenth episode of the second season.
In the episode, Chef discovers that Alanis Morissette's hit song "Stinky Britches" is the same as a song he wrote years ago, before abandoning his musical aspirations. Chef contacts a "major record company" executive, seeking only to have his name credited as the composer of "Stinky Britches." Chef's claim is substantiated by a twenty-year-old recording of Chef performing the song.
The record company refuses, and furthermore hires Johnnie Cochran, who files a lawsuit against Chef for harassment.
In court, Cochran resorts to his "famous" Chewbacca Defense, which he "used during the Simpson trial", according to another South Park character. Aside from reading a portion of his defense below, you can also listen to it here.
Cochran begins by noting that although Chewbacca is from Kashyyyk, he lives on Endor, and then proceeds to the heart of the defense:
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does NOT MAKE SENSE! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does NOT MAKE SENSE! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, (approaches and softens) does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does NOT MAKE SENSE! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Cochran's use of this defense is so successful that the jury finds Chef guilty of "harassing a major record label" and sets his punishment as either a two million dollar fine to be paid within twenty-four hours or, failing that, four years in prison.
Ultimately a "Chef Aid" benefit concert is organized to raise money for Chef to hire Johnnie Cochran for his own lawsuit against the record company. The concert (a parody of Live Aid) features his old showbiz friends — Elton John, Meat Loaf, Ozzy Osbourne (who kills Kenny by biting his head off), and others (the real-life artists recorded songs for the episode and accompanying album). At the concert Johnnie Cochran experiences a change of heart (à la How The Grinch Stole Christmas) and offers to represent Chef for free. He again successfully uses the Chewbacca defense, this time to defeat the record company and make them acknowledge Chef's authorship of their song. In the second use of the Chewbacca Defense, he ends by suddenly producing a stuffed monkey and shouting "here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey!", causing a juror's head to explode.
Interestingly enough, Chewbacca does not in fact actually live on Endor — though early drafts of Return of the Jedi did have the forest moon of Endor populated by Wookiees rather than Ewoks. This claim may have been an error, or may simply have been a culturally savvy intentional mis-statement by the authors. Parker and Stone have included numerous Star Wars references in South Park episodes, and are aware that the Wookiee homeworld is named Kashyyyk, despite - at the time the episode was made - the name having only ever been given in Star Wars books and games, not the movies. (Kashyyyk was subsequently shown as the Wookiee homeworld in Revenge of the Sith.)
Also, Cochran calls for an acquittal, when such a result is impossible in a civil case (where there can only be a finding of liability or no liability). In any event, he is initially representing the plaintiff record company, and is therefore seeking to persuade the jury to find Chef liable - the civil equivalent of a conviction, and not an acquittal.
The term Chewbacca Defense is used on many weblogs and Internet discussion forums, especially ones that often feature legal issues. Slashdot is one such example, where the Chewbacca Defense has been occasionally mentioned in discussion of legal affairs where the poster feels the legal arguments make no sense (or alternatively where the poster feels the argument of another is similar to the Chewbacca Defense. See also Slashdot subculture. Still within the realm of the Internet, the Chewbacca Defense has been applied to political subjects, especially concerning public figures attempting to distract or confuse the public through the media.
The term originated in the animated television series South Park. In its typically hyperbolic style, the show satirized attorney Johnnie Cochran's closing argument defending O.J. Simpson in his murder trial.
The term Chewbacca Defense was first used in the South Park episode "Chef Aid", which premiered on October 7, 1998 as the fourteenth episode of the second season.
In the episode, Chef discovers that Alanis Morissette's hit song "Stinky Britches" is the same as a song he wrote years ago, before abandoning his musical aspirations. Chef contacts a "major record company" executive, seeking only to have his name credited as the composer of "Stinky Britches." Chef's claim is substantiated by a twenty-year-old recording of Chef performing the song.
The record company refuses, and furthermore hires Johnnie Cochran, who files a lawsuit against Chef for harassment.
In court, Cochran resorts to his "famous" Chewbacca Defense, which he "used during the Simpson trial", according to another South Park character. Aside from reading a portion of his defense below, you can also listen to it here.
Cochran begins by noting that although Chewbacca is from Kashyyyk, he lives on Endor, and then proceeds to the heart of the defense:
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does NOT MAKE SENSE! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does NOT MAKE SENSE! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, (approaches and softens) does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does NOT MAKE SENSE! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Cochran's use of this defense is so successful that the jury finds Chef guilty of "harassing a major record label" and sets his punishment as either a two million dollar fine to be paid within twenty-four hours or, failing that, four years in prison.
Ultimately a "Chef Aid" benefit concert is organized to raise money for Chef to hire Johnnie Cochran for his own lawsuit against the record company. The concert (a parody of Live Aid) features his old showbiz friends — Elton John, Meat Loaf, Ozzy Osbourne (who kills Kenny by biting his head off), and others (the real-life artists recorded songs for the episode and accompanying album). At the concert Johnnie Cochran experiences a change of heart (à la How The Grinch Stole Christmas) and offers to represent Chef for free. He again successfully uses the Chewbacca defense, this time to defeat the record company and make them acknowledge Chef's authorship of their song. In the second use of the Chewbacca Defense, he ends by suddenly producing a stuffed monkey and shouting "here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey!", causing a juror's head to explode.
Interestingly enough, Chewbacca does not in fact actually live on Endor — though early drafts of Return of the Jedi did have the forest moon of Endor populated by Wookiees rather than Ewoks. This claim may have been an error, or may simply have been a culturally savvy intentional mis-statement by the authors. Parker and Stone have included numerous Star Wars references in South Park episodes, and are aware that the Wookiee homeworld is named Kashyyyk, despite - at the time the episode was made - the name having only ever been given in Star Wars books and games, not the movies. (Kashyyyk was subsequently shown as the Wookiee homeworld in Revenge of the Sith.)
Also, Cochran calls for an acquittal, when such a result is impossible in a civil case (where there can only be a finding of liability or no liability). In any event, he is initially representing the plaintiff record company, and is therefore seeking to persuade the jury to find Chef liable - the civil equivalent of a conviction, and not an acquittal.
The term Chewbacca Defense is used on many weblogs and Internet discussion forums, especially ones that often feature legal issues. Slashdot is one such example, where the Chewbacca Defense has been occasionally mentioned in discussion of legal affairs where the poster feels the legal arguments make no sense (or alternatively where the poster feels the argument of another is similar to the Chewbacca Defense. See also Slashdot subculture. Still within the realm of the Internet, the Chewbacca Defense has been applied to political subjects, especially concerning public figures attempting to distract or confuse the public through the media.
Commentators have accused the United States Department of Justice, Michael Moore,Dan Rather, and Randy Cunningham of putting forward Chewbacca Defenses, of one form or another.
by wikipedia definition February 10, 2006
Get the chewbacca defense mug.A legal strategy where the defendant claims to have acted in a state of violent, temporary insanity, committing assault or murder, because of unwanted same-sex sexual advances. A defendant may allege to have found the same-sex sexual advances so offensive or frightening that they were provoked into reacting, were acting in self-defense, were of diminished capacity, or were temporarily insane.
Some guy called Gabi dressed in leather overalls cornered me and made unwanted sexual advances in Folsom Street. I became so terrified and frightened for my safety that in a state of panic and self defence, I beat him to a bloody pulp and snapped his neck over a gutter. Next day I pled the gay panic defense and got off with a handshake from the judge.
by de-pube July 18, 2021
Get the Gay panic defense mug.A gossipy, loud mouthed, jobless woman who is a dependent of her unhappily married husband. They often target unsuspecting military members to be their paycheck, I mean husband. Once they have married them, they immediatly take credit for all things that their spouse has accomplished. "We've been in the military for blank years..", "We'll be promoted next month", "We've been to Iraq twice." They enjoy driving their minivans or company car around with their husband's position title on the windshield because they command the same respect that their husbands get. You can find them congregrated at Pampered Chef parties, where they feed off the hostess, I mean food that the hostess prepares.. The Dependasaurus is much like a cackling hen, always sitting on their ever growing ass, talking about anyone and everyones business, while their husband stays late at work so he doesn't have to come home to another McDinner nite, cuz the wife he bought 5 years earlier has morphed into a waste of carbon who's let herself go, doesn't do anything but spend his money, neglect his kids, sit on her ass all day and uses the common excuse of not knowing how to cook to avoid making some kind of nutritious meal for the family. Dependasauruses come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, the majority of them are large beasts, however a growing number of them are starting out smaller. No matter how small they are before they get married, this is just a clever ploy to attract dumb shallow men, and Dependasauruses always quickly return to their natural form of unattractiveness and selfishness. Key identification features of the Dependasaurus include: gold necklace with their name in Arabic with a cotton t-shirts paired with jean shorts a Coach purse and a blue tooth or cell phone attached to their ear, 5 starving children clothed in rags from Ross or any other thrift store trailing behind her, they have an inability of controlling the volume of their voice when talking about money or medical issues so that Us little people can hear them. Dependasauruses usually travel in large packs, I mean clicks of other Dependasauruses.
Kim: "So how long has your husband been in the Air Force and when is he up for promotion?"
Karen: "Oh, We've been in for 8 years and we already tested for promotion. Did I show you what I bought myself with our re-enlistment money? I worked hard for it, you know, sitting on my fat ass all day watching soaps and being fat, so I think it was a well deserved gift to myself."
Jane whispering to Kim : "We?"
Kim: "Yeah, she's one of those Dependasauruses I heard about on Animal Planet."
Karen: "Oh, We've been in for 8 years and we already tested for promotion. Did I show you what I bought myself with our re-enlistment money? I worked hard for it, you know, sitting on my fat ass all day watching soaps and being fat, so I think it was a well deserved gift to myself."
Jane whispering to Kim : "We?"
Kim: "Yeah, she's one of those Dependasauruses I heard about on Animal Planet."
by McBoobs July 30, 2009
Get the Dependasaurus mug.Military wife who stays at home Ith no job and complains that her husband is away on deployment and says she misses him, but bangs every Jody she can find
Mary: "wow, I wish my husband was home. I miss him so much"
Jody: "sucking my dick will make you feel better"
Mary:"you're right!!"
Husband in Iraq: "I think shes banging Jody, I honestly do"
Husbands friend: I hate to say it but she's a dependa ho"
Jody: "sucking my dick will make you feel better"
Mary:"you're right!!"
Husband in Iraq: "I think shes banging Jody, I honestly do"
Husbands friend: I hate to say it but she's a dependa ho"
by millerk4 December 18, 2014
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