rape guard

When you achieve a level of obesity such that your belly completely eclipses your genitalia. In other words when you stand in front of a mirror naked and your penis or vagina is completely hidden from view by your gut. Also known as advanced Dunlap syndrome(your belly dun lapped way over your belt).

Joe: Beware a wild snorlax appears...
John: Oh noes! and she has a level three rape guard!
Joe: Just the logistics of reaching her gens are mind boggling.

by turdnificent December 27, 2012

Dole Guardian

A DWP employee who is under a sworn oath from the government to prevent anyone and everyone from claiming benefits.

Russian Brute: Where's my money? I have one slice of bread left for dinner.
Dole Guardian: Your claim has been closed.
Russian Brute: I'm half blind, half deaf, have one arm, a sore back and metal kneecaps.
Dole Guardian: You are eligible for work. Here is a leaflet.
Russian Brute: What am I supposed to do eat that? *goes into Audi and plays rave music loudly*

by binmunbruce August 30, 2019

guarding the bee

The act of performing an utterly meaningless task given to you solely to keep you out of the way. The name comes from an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer, and two others, are tasked with guarding a bee in a jar in the plant's basement while the Nuclear Regulatory Inspector is visiting.

Bernie: Duh, why are we down here?
Homer: Aw, geez. I told you Bernie, guarding the bee!
Bernie: But WHY?!
Homer: Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Smithers made me head bee-guy.

by Astrolounge April 7, 2009

strum guard

a strip of towel wrapped around the wrist of one's "strum"-minging hand, secured by gaffer tape, and is used to "guard" against abrasions when playing guitar. invented by joe strummer (born: john graham mellor) due to his furious playing style.

joe strummer never plays his telecaster without his strum guard.

by normers January 12, 2006

strife-guard

To help others who are having difficulty in a situation you are familiar with.

John, having been in a similar situation when he was a child, decided to strife-guard the boy who was too afraid to go down the slide.

by jmb0225 August 27, 2009

Splash Guard

To put a sheet of toilet paper in the toilet before a power poop to eliminate sound and splashback

I just ate at white castle and the next day at work i used the bathroom and it was packed, so to protect my dignity i put down a splash guard.

by 12MATZIE December 5, 2009

Giant Guard

A spray that is sold at a company for beds that is for warranties and nothing else. If you pee or bleed or jizz on the bed they will replace it.

Little Timmy peed his bed but its ok because we got Giant Guard so we will be getting a new bed!

by GiantPoopoo April 13, 2010