7 definitions by Astrolounge

(Ca-low-kwee-ahl-leet-ist) A portmanteau of "colloquial" and "elitist". A Colloquialitist is a person who believes in maintaining the use of formal or "proper" English words. This usually applies to both speech and writing, although some are only concerned with one or the other. The colloquialitist can often be recognized by their use of the phrase "that's not a word" upon being confronted with non-standard or colloquial English words or phrases.

Writing-centric colloquialitists often take opposition toward what they regard as improper contractions, such as "gonna" or "wanna" (terms spelled as the writer speaks them, rather than in their correct written form of "going to" and "want to") or toward verb tenses that they feel are incorrect – such as "snuck" instead of "sneaked". Knowingly or not, colloquialitists of this type are moving against the evolution of language, and often irritate people who use colloquial terms, slang words, or simply a different dialect of English to the colloquialitist in their writing.

Speech-oriented colloquialitist's arguments typically regard pronunciation – such as "both" being pronounced "bolth". This type of colloquialitist may not understand that the pronunciation in question might be correct in the speaker's own dialect or area, or believes that only their own dialect is correct.

This term should not be confused with "grammar-Nazi", or applied to people who oppose provably incorrect use of language such as spelling errors.
Man 1: Did you know that Jennifer Garner argued with Conan O'Brien last night on whether or not "snuck" was a word? She insisted that it wasn't, and said that since Conan went to Harvard he should know better.
Man 2: I bet he didn't take that well.
Man 1: No he did not. He got out a dictionary and read the definition of "snuck" to her face on air.
Man 2: Serves her right for being such a colloquialitist.
by Astrolounge August 15, 2010
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The act of performing an utterly meaningless task given to you solely to keep you out of the way. The name comes from an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer, and two others, are tasked with guarding a bee in a jar in the plant's basement while the Nuclear Regulatory Inspector is visiting.
Bernie: Duh, why are we down here?
Homer: Aw, geez. I told you Bernie, guarding the bee!
Bernie: But WHY?!
Homer: Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Smithers made me head bee-guy.
by Astrolounge April 7, 2009
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Noun (verb form: Arsassination), also called an arsonurderer, A person who commits premeditated murder by means of arson. Usually done by setting fire to a building that the victim is known to still be inside of. Sometimes they may set up some form of barricade to prevent their target from getting out.
Occasionally a spouse or family member will attempt this form of crime in an attempt to collect on both a life-insurance policy and a fire-insurance policy at the same time.
This term, and it's synonym, were coined by the character of Shawn Spencer on the television show "Psych", while attempting to find a term for this type of criminal.
Did you hear about that guy on the news who tied his roommate to a couch and set it on fire? Now that was one disturbed arsassin.
by Astrolounge August 12, 2009
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A story that is exceptionally boring, such as one told by a senile grandfather about that time he got two for one on onions one day twenty years ago by being the first customer of the day. Just like he did the last nine times he told you about it.
May also be used as an adjective to refer to anything particularly dull.
Boy: Well if you're done with your snory- ...er STORY...
Grandpa: You don't think much of me do you boy?
Boy: No sir, I do not.

Man 1: What a snory excuse for a meeting.
Man 2: ...you actually think that was witty don't you?
by Astrolounge January 22, 2010
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(Note: Has both Noun and Verb forms)

Noun: The subtle art of being a dick. For when a dick move is performed with such a level of care, cunning, and sheer balls that flak for it is unlikely to fall on its perpetrator. A portmanteau of "dick" and "jujitsu". The term was coined by Erica Cantin in Cracked.com's "The 5 Ballsiest Lies Ever Passed Off as Journalism."
Man 1: Wait, so Ben Franklin reported in an issue of Poor Richard's Almanack that his rival — Titan Leeds — had died, and that he had been replaced with an impostor, who was actually just the real Leeds?
Man 2: Yup.
Man 1: ...and when Leeds really did die, Ben congratulated the "impostor" for owning up the the charade by dying?
Man 2: Yup.
Man 1: Wow, that man was like a black-belt dickjitsu master.
by Astrolounge August 28, 2009
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Portmanteau of "cash" and "astigmatism". The ailment of being rendered either short-sighted or blind due to dollar signs in the eyes. A level of greed that results in a person behaving without thought to future consequences. First used in Jeph Jacques' webcomic "Questionable Content".
Faye: I only have to pay a third of the rent instead of half! There are dollar signs dancing in my eyes!
Dora: Careful, our eye-care plan doesn't cover cashtigmatism.

Did you hear? John inherited a bunch of money from his uncle, but it gave him cashtigmatism and he blew it all on silly putty and gummi bears.
by Astrolounge January 19, 2010
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A sarcastic counter-expression used when someone has claimed that a person is "layered" – in the sense that while they might be bitter or sour on the outside, on the inside they're actually sweet. The expression refers to the idea that as with the pastry in question, while the top seems crusty and mean – and there might be some sweetness underneath – at the TRUE core of the person, they really ARE just crusty and mean. So the expression refers to someone who is truly rotten to the core, and that the sugar they throw out is merely a ploy to try to keep people from realizing this. Charismatic serial killers, or brutal tyrants, for example, are layered like pie.
The observation leading to this phrase was first made by the character of Dr. Horrible/Billy (Neil Patrick Harris) in "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" in reference to Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion), as shown below.
Penny: At first I thought he was kind of cheesy–
Billy: Trust your instincts.
Penny: But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface.
Billy: And sometimes there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one.
Penny: Huh?
Billy: Like with pie.

Woman with black eye: I know my new boyfriend might seem like a drunken, misogynistic ball of domestic violence waiting to happen, but he's actually really nice, he's layered like that. And now he's promised to only beat me on Wednesdays!
Friend: Yeah, layered like pie. Call the cops on him!
by Astrolounge January 17, 2010
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