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Cum Guards are another name for teeth. If you're looking to make a filthy comment to your buddies about someone's teeth, refering to them as Cum Guards would be a suitable descriptor.
That chick has a nice set of Cum Guards on her! She must use Colgate!
Hey Steve! How much did the dentist charge you for that new set of Cum Guards?
by Al-katraz August 08, 2013
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Another name for eyeglasses. Also used to prevent ejaculation from entering eyeball, causing temporary blindness, and uncontrollable laughter.
Those chicks at the table are looking at us, lets go talk to them.
Ok, I'll take the one with the cum guards.
by xxachary November 30, 2014
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