The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
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by gdftfhjhijuy January 12, 2008
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Dead.
Comes from the "Weekend at Bernie's" movies where a couple of idiots drag their dead boss all over the place and convince people that he's alive.
Comes from the "Weekend at Bernie's" movies where a couple of idiots drag their dead boss all over the place and convince people that he's alive.
"Oh yeah! This party is off the chain!"
"Shut up bitch. It's bernie, and I'm gonna be swayze."
"So how was Ermelinda in the sack last night?"
"Bernie, man. Like a cold, bernie fish."
"So I hear Grandpa Fred's been circling the drain lately. Did he buy the farm yet?"
"Hell yeah dogg, he's bernie. Cancer."
"Shut up bitch. It's bernie, and I'm gonna be swayze."
"So how was Ermelinda in the sack last night?"
"Bernie, man. Like a cold, bernie fish."
"So I hear Grandpa Fred's been circling the drain lately. Did he buy the farm yet?"
"Hell yeah dogg, he's bernie. Cancer."
by Nick D October 27, 2003
Get the bernie mug.A BERNie is a BURNout, a pothead, someone who had a life that was running smoothly till he woke up one day malude
"Check out that Bernie over there"
"Oh that's jay, he used to be cool till he got malude"
"thats a shame"
"Oh that's jay, he used to be cool till he got malude"
"thats a shame"
by d vengeance October 8, 2006
Get the Bernie mug.To be cheated or short changed out of money. To be ripped off. to be taken by another. Derived from the bernie Maddoff scandel whre he ripped off investors for 60 billion dollars
When getting change back at the cash register, the cashier short changes you. "excuse me sir or madam you just "bernied" me."
by egraffam March 12, 2009
Get the Bernied mug.Bernie Maccing is slang for finishing a cigarette or joint very quickly by smoking the entire content in a single long drag.
One who is trying to finish the smoking content in a single drag is attempting to Bernie Mac the cigarette.
In order for the drag to be classified as a Bernie Mac the individual must attempt to smoke the entire blunt, spliff, joint, cigarette, cigar in a single long and deep drag as made famous by comedic legend Bernie Mac in the movie Bad Santa.
It is common knowledge that Bernie Mac died of pneumonia brought on by smoking a massive twelve inch joint in a single drag while having a massive Chronic session with Snoop Dogg.
Bernie Maccing a joint has been scientifically proven as the best way to by-pass the puff puff pass rule when smoking with mates.
The term Bernie Maccing a cigarette/joint originated in the Balgowlah region of the Northern Beaches, Australia and has become ingrained in Bally Boy Slang and penetrated Bally Boy Culture to a significant degree.
One who is trying to finish the smoking content in a single drag is attempting to Bernie Mac the cigarette.
In order for the drag to be classified as a Bernie Mac the individual must attempt to smoke the entire blunt, spliff, joint, cigarette, cigar in a single long and deep drag as made famous by comedic legend Bernie Mac in the movie Bad Santa.
It is common knowledge that Bernie Mac died of pneumonia brought on by smoking a massive twelve inch joint in a single drag while having a massive Chronic session with Snoop Dogg.
Bernie Maccing a joint has been scientifically proven as the best way to by-pass the puff puff pass rule when smoking with mates.
The term Bernie Maccing a cigarette/joint originated in the Balgowlah region of the Northern Beaches, Australia and has become ingrained in Bally Boy Slang and penetrated Bally Boy Culture to a significant degree.
Friend 1 "Yo Dude Bernie Mac the shit out of that blunt so we can get back to the party."
Friend 2 "Oh fo sho my nigga i'mma hit this shit."
Black Guy "Shit nigga its the fuckin one time you better Bernie Mac that joint before they gaff your ass and send you to the pen."
Person 1 "Yo watch me Bernie Mac this cigarette."
*Person 1 takes a ten second drag and starts coughing terribly*
Person 2 "Hey man you best stop Bernie Maccing these cigarette's your lung capacity is good but you aint no Snoop Dogg
Friend 2 "Oh fo sho my nigga i'mma hit this shit."
Black Guy "Shit nigga its the fuckin one time you better Bernie Mac that joint before they gaff your ass and send you to the pen."
Person 1 "Yo watch me Bernie Mac this cigarette."
*Person 1 takes a ten second drag and starts coughing terribly*
Person 2 "Hey man you best stop Bernie Maccing these cigarette's your lung capacity is good but you aint no Snoop Dogg
by Ninja Mc Stealth Kill November 6, 2009
Get the Bernie Maccing mug.Northern English rhyming slang for skint, as in, without money. Named for the TV comedian Bernie Flint.
by Skylar K. Write July 11, 2006
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