Charter Communications Marketing Plan:
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
1. Find a former-hick community, say, Sparks, Nevada that is rapidly growing technologically.
2. Buy up all the rights to the cable lines within the new housing complexes in construction, and make those cable lines available only to Charter only.
3. When new owners of a home move in, bombard their mailbox with faster internet service ads.
4. Provide the service, seemingly superior in speed and reliability compared to their nonexistent competitors at first, but then after the first week, totally flips out, and has long downtimes and ignorant customer support reps that love to talk back against angry customers.
5. When customer opts out of the service, remind them that they need to pay a $200+ separation fee because their first month is not up, and not even the first 2 years of their contract.
6. When customer REALLY WANTS OUT, then remind him or her that their ass still belongs to Charter, and theres no other alternative except a slower and still just as unreliable ClearWire Wi-Fi broadband in the neighborhood.
7. When customer threatens to sue, Charter pays electric company to cut off all power, except for a few D-Batteries to power a portable TV connected to a portable VHS player, reminding them that they can stop this by switching back.
8. Don't provide them any service anyways, and bill them $4000 a month in retaliation for their lifetimes. Also armed guards patrol the outside of their doors at all times, with rottweilers bred for the taste of human flesh drooling on the windows.
by C Tan November 4, 2007
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by cavagrotti May 16, 2006
Get the commodity mug.Related Words
Brian: Thanks for letting me be part of the cummunity last night.
Heather: Well, you know what they say about bukake, "the more the merrier."
Heather: Well, you know what they say about bukake, "the more the merrier."
by The Real Faulkner March 21, 2009
Get the cummunity mug.on Facebook, a trusted friend you ask (as a favor to you) to say hello- or send any other messages- on your behalf to another Facebook user who either deleted their account or doesn't want to talk to you on Facebook.
My friend Steven actually invented the phrase Facebook communication vessel when I asked him to say hello on my behalf to another common friend of ours who didn't want to talk to me and Steven refused.
by Sexydimma October 2, 2013
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by JohnCutty December 30, 2005
Get the communi-tea mug.Chris- “Man, I really wish my girlfriend would just communicate and tell me what’s going on.”
John- “Is that even possible?”
John- “Is that even possible?”
by Chief of Words June 17, 2020
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1. A communist dictator, especially of the "I'm gonna kill you ALL!" type.
2. Anyone with communist leanings.
3. Anyone with a hotness factor close to that of Stalin, who as we all know was the HOTTEST COMMUNATOR EVAR!!!1!1!
4. As a verb, to threaten someone with a particularly violent death.
1. A communist dictator, especially of the "I'm gonna kill you ALL!" type.
2. Anyone with communist leanings.
3. Anyone with a hotness factor close to that of Stalin, who as we all know was the HOTTEST COMMUNATOR EVAR!!!1!1!
4. As a verb, to threaten someone with a particularly violent death.
Oh man- Stalin is the hawtest communator evar!!
So, I'm thinking of becoming a violent communist dictator when I grow up.
-Oh, you mean a communator?
Don't make me go communator on you!
So, I'm thinking of becoming a violent communist dictator when I grow up.
-Oh, you mean a communator?
Don't make me go communator on you!
by Che! December 11, 2004
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