Captain Wankstash

A name first used in spoken conversation when referring to the fictional character Simon from the TV series The Walking Dead, who supported an excessively flamboyant moustache and cheesy grin. This, coupled with his attempts to emulate his boss Negan and general wankerism led to the formation of the moniker.
Similar examples would be: Douchie McDouchebag; Sergeant Dickface; Lord Twat of Knobington Manor, etc, of which the original creator of the name Captain Wankstash seemingly has an endless supply.

Can also be written Captain Wankstache

Suggested use: for mustachioed military/ uniformed non-military types, with attitudes far in excess of their competence /accomplishment. Is not restricted to this use but it's a good fit for it.

Who was that guy? You know, Captain Wankstache.

Alright Captain Wankstash, calm down/give it a rest.

Here we go, Captain Wankstache is at it again.

by FecktardIntolerant May 12, 2023

Jealousy Wanking

When one masturbates over an erotic situation that simultaneously makes them feel jealous.

When Mark found videos of his wife Jessie having an affair he quickly found himself Jealousy Wanking.

by IndiLee November 9, 2023

shiv wanking

when your edgeing your penis and you feel like your going to nut, but you stop. Then you take out your knife and slice a bit of your penis off so you can edge more.

Jorge loved edgeing, he edged in class, in the principals office, in his mom's bedroom everywhere he went. Jorge felt like he nutted to fast so he decided to start shiv wanking. He sliced a bit of foreskin off his torch to stop him from nutting, then continued, after countless hours, beating his record he nutted with a big smile of his face oh and also on his tip.

by skibbidi_toliet April 17, 2024

nigel wanking

to grip your hand around another man's penis and pull up and down to cause an ejaculation

nigel wanking a homo

by mrs tosser October 5, 2025

Tariff-wanking

When Trump rolls out his shiny new 10% tariffs, then threatens 25% tariffs like he’s upping the ante at a poker table where everyone already knows he’s bluffing

Cool. While you’re busy tariff-wanking, we’ll just lock in one of the biggest free trade zones on Earth with South America.

by Bareenelleranden January 20, 2026

'spankin gets you 'wankin

Basically means if you try your best, you'll succeed.

Mark: damn it! I failed my pee pee test!
Tod: You know what they say 'spankin gets you 'wankin

when Bonnie meets Clyde

by Linda Lazania October 4, 2017

tickling your wankstain

To mess with someone in a playful way.

Luke: you don't look cute.
Heather: why would you say that??
Luke: I was just tickling your wankstain, calm down!

by MyNameIsntLuke January 5, 2018