A Midwestern city in Missouri with about 51,000 people. In Joplin, you are either a weed-smoking gay person who can’t wait to get out, or an ultra-conservative
Christian who thinks that Planned Parenthood was run by Satan, worships Donald
Trump, and attends one of the thousands of churches here. Most famous for Route 66 and the May
22, 2011 tornado. The north side of town is where you can find the not-so-rare Joplin Tweaker, who you can find dancing around higher than
heaven and stealing
Walmart bikes. The south side of town is where you find all of the houses built by Schuber-Mitchell, and where you find zero trees. Joplin features Joplin High School, which was destroyed in the tornado. It looks fancy, but it was shoddily built. It’s claimed to be EF5-proof, but 90% of the building is glass. The teachers and administration are
fine, but the school board is full of wannabe conservatives who
hate students and regularly fuck over the school. Joplin is represented in Congress by Billy Long, the Janna the Hutt-lookin’ motherfucker from nearby Springfield.
Little
Johnny: Mommy, where are we?
Mom: We’re in Joplin, Missouri!
Little
Johnny: Who’s that?
Mom: Why, that’s just a naked heroin addict talking about how the
Democrats are going to cause the apocalypse!
