In-depth
definition, PART NINE:
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their
best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a
good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies'
will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs,
pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The
best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the
best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual
Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce'
right across the front of their
house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate
fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare, while the rest of humanity takes to the stars.
Despite being the
pathetic, doomed, non-achieving cracker-spawn of multiple generations of unwanted children, charvae do have value, as they are walking, breathing examples of the importance of birth control.
