Shaving a painted Jesus 

An action that is pointless

A: Why are you studying? You know you are going to fail that test.
B: But I have to make an A.
A: You're just shaving a painted Jesus, man.

Shaving a painted Jesus by Nicole11 January 7, 2009

could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it? 

a paradox made up by stoners with nothing better to do

stoned guy 1)could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it?
stoned guy 2)WHOOOOAAAAAA!!! i don't know.... what a thinker!!!
stoned guy 1)tell me about it

could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it? by EatMyFukk May 13, 2008

Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick 

Exclamation of disbelief.

From the song "Stuart," by The Dead Milkmen:

Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's the Werzner kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are you looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick! Everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?"

Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick by SwankSpike April 13, 2006

sweet zombie jesus on a pogo stick! 

Phrase used in extreme exclamation. Derived by the chracacter of Black Mage in "8-bit Theatre" as he was being held over a pot of deadly acid.

Sweet zombie jesus on a pogo stick, we're screwed!

sweet zombie jesus on a pogo stick! by Ron_Thornbrash May 24, 2005

Holy jumping Jesus on a jet ski 

This shows shock or surprise to something that has just occurred.

Person 1: I bought you a Lamborghini

Person 2: HOLY JUMPING JESUS ON A JET SKI! I love you so much!

Holy jumping Jesus on a jet ski by celeste.doorknob March 30, 2015

Taking the A-train for Jesus

Taking the A-train for Jesus -

1. A term used for unmarried Christians engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities until marriage.
2. An east coast term similar to saddlebacking.
3. Title of a song by Canadian punk band Heimlich Maneuver.

"I can be as slutty as I want and not go to hell, I'm taking the A-train for Jesus."

Taking the A-train for Jesus by Demon Molawk February 4, 2010

Jesus in a lightbulb 

The thing that appears above your head when you think to yourself, either silently or out loud, "WWJD?"

When you suddenly have a thought of remorse or guilt, the moment the lighbulb appears above your head, (only this time with a vision of Jesus in it with his hands held out and that puppy-dog look in his eyes...) that makes you stop and rethink your actions and the repercussions of those actions.

Dude: "Hmmm... I probably shouldn't have pocketed that $20 that just fell outta that lil' ol' lady's purse...."

(Result: Jesus appears in a lightbulb above wrong-doer's head).

Jesus in a lightbulb by munchkin'smom July 24, 2011