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Ascension Middle School 

Ascension Middle and Elementary School is a school full of bullshit. BULLSHIT I TELL YOU! it costs 6 thousand dollars a year to go there, and you STILL have to pay for lunch while George Washington’s corpse (the gym teacher) rambles on about how she shared one ball with her 72 brothers and sisters. The teachers are homophobes and one divorced her husband because he was bisexual. They will see you with some black dyed hair and will lecture you until the stupid kid named fucking xyleigh will crack a rotten egg on your head and tear out a patch of your hair. The Ursuline sisters are shit. The last one we had was in 1987. Also the fact that for SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR, you still won’t be accommodated for being non religious. No Nancy Figglehorn the lunch lady, I don’t want to be in a church when I am Jewish. Just this year, they bought smartboards in place of all the perfectly fine whiteboards. The music teacher is annoying and one of them even locked a kid in a classroom for detention. they also would never give free lunch, even if a kid didn’t show up. It’s bad until you realize they were saving that kid. The spaghetti was crunchy on the outside, and WHO TOLD THEM CHEAP DEEP DISH WAS GOOD? it tastes, looks, and smells like a pile of shit. They didn’t even have effort to cook the mini waffles we sometimes got. The best thing they had was pizza sticks, just sticks with cheese inside. The janitors are the nicest people there.
Guy A: “My school really sucks. They make us eat oatmeal!”

Guy B: “Ascension Middle School is so much worse, they make us eat raw cranberries.”

Ascension Throat 

Ascension Throat (pronounced Ah-sen-shun Throte) is a dreaded disease that often lays dorment for months before symptoms are present. Dry tickling in the throat, frog-like throat, the repeat inability to clear ones throat are classic symptoms. Fits can occur on their own or can be triggered by other co-workers who suffer. Usually men, handsome men in particular are susceptible to Ascension Throat. Often results in office tension and discord between colleagues.
Dude, you are reallly suffering with Ascension Throat. You should make an appointment to go see your doctor and get a prescription
Ascension Throat by JTomtom January 27, 2011

Ascension School 

The worlds most potent type of enema.
“I just can’t took an Ascension School”
“Why the fuck would you go up to a random person on the street and tell them that?”

Ascension To Heaven 

When a guy cums so hard, that he switches gravity. May have dire results.
My man pulled an ascension to heaven last night, I really missed him.
What happened?
I was sucking his dih and he just started falling up!

Ascension of Jean

On March 23, at Castle Gulch Colorado, a real place in the mountains, a feminine totem commemorating Jean DeSimone is illuminated by a reflection of the sun. Jean had a liquid burial there, and her teeth (along with seashells revealing recursive Bernoulli spiral, or spira mirabilis) come out of the ground each spring. These teeth can be used as talismans to suck on when one is pulled over for a traffic violation.
That Ascension of Jean totem made the Realtors, Yuppies and Lawyers so scared that they had to call a tow truck to skedaddle down to Boulder where their wretched kind are tolerated.

Unification Organisation for Collective Ascension 

A new cult which is hoping to cultivate its beginnings in Australia. Follows a communist approach and is trying to disguise itself as an ashram.
The Unification Organisation for Collective Ascension made me pay my wages into their treasurer and I feel like I can't escape.

Dual-Ascension

After each lovers soul is projected into the real world through truth and honesty, they are then fused together by the power of love to create one dying entity to rise above all the universe and into the heavens where an eternity of contentment and everlasting nirvana shall follow soon afterwards.
"The end met by Romeo and Juliet was not a tragedy, but an instance of dual-ascension."
Dual-Ascension by brendan ess December 31, 2003