Grab My Musket 

A euphamism for male masturbation, i.e., apply lip gloss, bash the bishop, beat it, beat off, beat (one's) meat, beat the bishop, buck the slobbering donkey, choke the chicken, crack one off, date Mrs. Palmer, fap, five knuckle shuffle, flog (one's) log, have a date with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters, have a tug of war with Cyclops, have a wank, jack off, jerk it , jerk off, jerk (one's) gherkin, junior Olympic pole vaulting, paint the ceiling, play pocket pinball, polish (one's) knob, pound (one's) pud – pudwhack, pud wrestle, punch the clown, punch the munchkin, rough up the suspect, rub one off, rub one out, slap the salami, spank it, spank (one's) monkey, stroke the salami, wank off – wax the carrot – wax the dolphin, whack it, whack off.

Phrase coined on 10/26/2016 by ex-Congressman Joe Walsh @WalshFreedom.

"On November 9th if Trump loses I'm gonna Grab My Musket. You in?"

Grab My Musket by metalmixtress October 26, 2016

Thanksgiving Cranberry Musket Balling

Kicking up your traditional musket ball activity (the act of taking a foreign object, placing it at the rim of the asshole and having a male take his shaft and ram it up the rectum) using a bulk sized bag of whole, fresh cranberries from your local Costco.

My grandma was furious when she found out my uncle Frank had taken her fresh cranberries and had been thanksgiving cranberry musket balling me in the back bedroom. She ended up having to use the canned cranberry sauce instead. I was farting cranberries out all through dinner.

One by one, he packed me full with a festive evening of thanksgiving cranberry musket balling. It really made me get into the holiday spirit early this year.

He pounded down an entire bag into my rectum last night doing a little thanksgiving cranberry musket balling. Let’s just say the next morning I gave some new meaning to the words Ocean Spay Cranberry Juice.

Thanksgiving Cranberry Musket Balling by Dick Onchin November 17, 2020

Alabama Custard Musket 

An Alabama custard musket is the act of having anal sex with your sister, cousin, aunt, or mother, and ejaculating into their rectum. Once this has been achieved, lay on your back, with the female participant squatting over you. She then farts out her man-custard frosted stink nuggets at you at alarmingly high velocity while screaming "the South shall rise again!" as you try to dodge the hailstorm of custard frosted butt bullets.

Oh dang man, my cousin Bobby-Jean Billy Joe Bob Possum Dog gave me the worst Alabama Custard Musket. It was so bad even Mountain Dew wouldn't wash it out of my mullet.

Alabama Custard Musket by Unicorn Squeezins November 27, 2021

douche musket 

1. a term that is applicable when douche nozzle does not accurately describe the person or people in question.
2. an awesome fucking name to call people.

dude1: you see that queaf with his popped collar??
dude2: yeah, what a douche musket.

douche musket by vulvahammer November 22, 2009

Three Musketeers 

A three digit vaginal or anal fingerbang.

Tony was getting bored with the twix he was performing on Lee's asspipe, so he turned her over and went Three Musketeers on her sorry, Zamboni-like stank trench.

Three Musketeers by Bigbear Goldstein January 30, 2008

musket plunging 

Insertion of fist in a fast pumping motion, into a wide set vagina. "Plunger" should be crouched on one knee, in front of "Plungee". Usually takes place outdoors, lake front is preferable.

"Yo, I was walking by the lake and saw the lady gettin' her a musket plunging. Whack."

musket plunging by Sariah May 25, 2008

Three Musketeers 

Three males beat their boners, on to one individuals head. Can either be a sexually pleasurable act or an act of punishment

John: Hey did you guys give me a Three Musketeers last night?

Tim: Yeah because you were being a douche.

John: That explains alot.

Three Musketeers by Big Red 7878 March 14, 2011