You need to talk to Jesus 

You full of shit; you can tell that dung pudding story to someone else!

You need to talk to Jesus! He might forgive you, but I don't!

You need to talk to Jesus by talk2me-JCH2 October 9, 2023

come to jesus 

Getting called on the carpet, dressed down, or otherwise chewed out in a severe manner. Usually used in conjunction with "meetin'" (meeting)

He was late one too many times, so the old man dragged him in the office for a "come to jesus meetin'".

come to jesus by Big Bob July 28, 2004

Five Clicks to Jesus 

A Wikipedia game thats fun to play alone, but preferably with friends.
Someone shouts out a random word (whether it's an person/place/object it doesn't matter) and then the person who looks it up now has to follow a link from that page (counts as one click), then a link from that page etc., and they have 5 clicks to get from the original page to the Jesus Christ page.

I was playing the five clicks to Jesus game and it worked with everything! dildo, marijuana- they all lead to Jesus!

Five Clicks to Jesus by Viper13 November 14, 2007

heels to jesus 

Heels to Jesus

One of the nicer ways to to describe the penetration of the vagina via the penis. This phrase is best used around family and any other people who may find the words sex, fuck, bang, poke, pork, smash, ram, bump nasties, mix your milk with my coco puffs, and intercourse offensive. To be used judiciously among friends, families, and people you have sex with. There is not a more respectable way of describing the bump and grind than saying you've gone "heels to Jesus."

"Bro, I went heels to Jesus with Becky last night! I swear I had her speaking in tongues."

heels to jesus by _NoneOfYourDamnBusiness_ April 20, 2015

I will send you to Jesus 

Stephen He. When your failure is failing so much that not even failure managment will work on him.

I will send you to Jesus

I will send you to Jesus by Lol, nub get skill February 3, 2022

come to jesus meeting 

A meeting where someone close to you (e.g. friend, family, etc.) are confronted over behavior that's causing consternation that's negatively effecting your relationship.

"You and your brother need to have a come to jesus meeting over you always having to do his chores and yours."

come to jesus meeting by DC Daly May 12, 2009

Come to Jesus talk

If you're going to perform...PERFORM! Or we'll find someone who will! A conversation usually between an employee and employer.

Looks like we're going to have a come to Jesus talk with Teddy if he wants to keep his job.

Come to Jesus talk by Honey Pooh February 1, 2015