Origin: First officially documented in the year of our Lord
2024 by Mike
K. of Redondo
Beach — a man whose voice was smooth as silk and whose spiritual awakening is constantly being tested by schmo's playing with their phones in meetings, and weak coffee. Blessings be unto him.
An evolved species of
AA old-timer who walks the fine line between enlightenment and homicide. The Bleeding Statesman is a spiritual
hybrid — part Elder Statesman, part Bleeding Deacon — combining
hard-won
wisdom with low-
key exasperation and an intolerance for bullshit.
With decades of sobriety under their belt, they’ve seen it all — the steps, the slogans, the cycles — and still manage to show up (mostly on time). They carry a sharp spiritual toolkit and just enough restraint to stay out of
jail. Think Zen master, but with mild caffeine withdrawal and unresolved group conscience trauma.
They don’t judge — they perform character assessments.
They meditate — on que with "I cant believe this b*tch is sharing this again"
They’re spiritually grounded — but always five seconds away from leaving.
“I watched
Mike meditate for like 40 minutes before the meeting… but then he snapped and told the newcomer to stop
reading the promises like it was a TED Talk. That man’s a textbook Bleeding Statesman.”
“The dude’s got 30 years, quotes the Big
Book and Marcus Aurelius, and still glares when someone’s
late. Total Bleeding Statesman.”
“He sat through 10 minutes of announcements grumbling… then muttered, ‘This isn’t a PTA meeting,’ and walked out. Bleeding Statesman energy all day.”
“She shared for
25 minutes about her cat, and he just sat there blinking. Then he whispered, ‘Tradition Five, not storytime,’ and stared into the void. Certified Bleeding Statesman.”
