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tariqk's definitions

Carry the Great Man

To actually take into account the costs of retaining a Great Man in any organization. Costs include the number of people said Great Man drives out of the organization due to their behavior, the amount of legal fees that they could expose said organization to due to anti-harassment lawsuits made by other members, organizational reputation loss, etc.
Clarence: …and that's why I recommend that the board does not terminate Mr. Stallman's role in our organization.

Kelly: Okay, go back to slide 15…

Clarence: Got you. What's your question, Kelly?

Kelly: I was afraid of that. You forgot to carry the great man. What happens when you do that, Clarence?

Clarence: Oh, right. Let me put that in the spreadsheet… huh. I guess we should fire Mr. Stallman's ass, then.

Kelly: I was afraid so.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
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Xennial

A terrible word used by early Millenials (born circa early 1980s) to disassociate themselves from those other younger millenials and to tell their Boomer parents and Gen-Xer elder siblings that they aren't like those other young people, they're not cringe, or whatever it is young people use today, they remember what it was like when VCR was king and TVs were made out of cathode tubes and there was no Internet.

Fallen out of disuse when those so-called Xennials realized that it doesn't matter how not-cringe you are, they're still gonna kill you with wage theft, student debt, and all the other tools of generational class war at their disposal.
Unlike those other Millenials, I am a Xennial, and I know what it is like to live without smartphones glued to my face every day.

No one cares, Kathy, we're all getting murdered with student debt, just lift your picket sign higher and shout louder.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
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Real Soon Now™

A term used in software engineering to define a period of time before a promised feature or bugfix will be released. The period of time is usually, “Never.”
We'd like to thank all or users for their patience and forbearance during really difficult time, and we'd like to announce that all the feature requests and critical bugfixes will be released Real Soon Now™.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
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reinventing the bus

Like “reinventing the wheel”, but for techbros.

More precisely, it is to spend an incredible amount of money, time and mental effort to finally come to a solution that was actually figured out decades or even centuries ago.

Bonus points if you end up making yet another app using the blockchain, so that in order for you to use it, you need to put your SSN on a distributed public ledger so that it can get pwned by Russian hackers.
“Ok, pitch it.”

“Ok so like basically we get people to pool their money together into one thing and then invest that thing into Bitcoin and use the profits from that investment to pay everyone involved once a month, and then when someone dies their portion of the investment goes to the other participants.”

“…you just described a tontine.”

“A what?”

“A tontine. The thing you're describing. It's been around since the 17th century. Are you reinventing the bus again?”

“No way, man! This one's different, this one uses JIT-compiled vue.js and blockchain smart contracts to keep track of the system!”

“Brilliant. Here's a million dollars, we're gonna be rich!”
by tariqk November 21, 2022
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Nazi Bar Problem

The problem when you own a space that if you let certain groups of people in, such as, in this example, Nazis, you'll literally drive everyone else away from your space, so that what started off as a normal, ordinary space will become, essentially, a Nazi bar.

It's not only Nazis — it can be fascists, white supremacists, meth-heads, PUAs, cryptocurrency fanboys — some groups will be so odious to others that they will drive everyone else from your space, so the only solution that you can enact is to ensure that they don't come to your place, even if they're nice and polite and "follow your rules", because while they might, their friends won't, those friends have a history of driving away other people from other spaces.
Yeah, he kicked you out of the Discord, but he has the Nazi Bar Problem to deal with — he can't just let you in, you and your friends would drive away his other server members.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
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pareto-

Roughly but not exactly.

Like, when you say pareto-80 you don't exactly mean 80 percent, you really mean, roughly four out of five. Pareto-20 means one out of five, and saying that a scheme will likely fail at pareto-5 means it'll go okay so long as we don't roll a natural 1.
So, like, 20 percent of respondents say that—

That's bullshit, you pulled that number out of your ass.

Pareto-20, man. You're right, it's... (checks notes) closer to 18 percent, but that's not much of a difference, is it?
by tariqk July 13, 2022
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CIO

Chief Information Officer. If you read the industry publications, Chief Information Officers are at the vanguard of today's information-centric workplace. In practice, it's basically some poor schlub who's been given a fancier “IT Manager” hat, who's been given the responsibility to fix the dumpster fire that is your IT Systems, by giving “suggestions” that are roundly ignored by the Board while the CEO and CFO pilfer the coffers to buy hookers and blow, and to play the role of fall guy when the whole scam collapses.
You got promoted to CIO? Oh, you have my condolences.
by tariqk December 12, 2018
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