Chief Information Officer. If you read the industry publications, Chief Information Officers are at the vanguard of today's information-centric workplace. In practice, it's basically some poor schlub who's been given a fancier “IT Manager” hat, who's been given the responsibility to fix the dumpster fire that is your IT Systems, by giving “suggestions” that are roundly ignored by the Board while the CEO and CFO pilfer the coffers to buy hookers and blow, and to play the role of fall guy when the whole scam collapses.
by tariqk December 12, 2018
Get the CIOmug. Like “reinventing the wheel”, but for techbros.
More precisely, it is to spend an incredible amount of money, time and mental effort to finally come to a solution that was actually figured out decades or even centuries ago.
Bonus points if you end up making yet another app using the blockchain, so that in order for you to use it, you need to put your SSN on a distributed public ledger so that it can get pwned by Russian hackers.
More precisely, it is to spend an incredible amount of money, time and mental effort to finally come to a solution that was actually figured out decades or even centuries ago.
Bonus points if you end up making yet another app using the blockchain, so that in order for you to use it, you need to put your SSN on a distributed public ledger so that it can get pwned by Russian hackers.
“Ok, pitch it.”
“Ok so like basically we get people to pool their money together into one thing and then invest that thing into Bitcoin and use the profits from that investment to pay everyone involved once a month, and then when someone dies their portion of the investment goes to the other participants.”
“…you just described a tontine.”
“A what?”
“A tontine. The thing you're describing. It's been around since the 17th century. Are you reinventing the bus again?”
“No way, man! This one's different, this one uses JIT-compiled vue.js and blockchain smart contracts to keep track of the system!”
“Brilliant. Here's a million dollars, we're gonna be rich!”
“Ok so like basically we get people to pool their money together into one thing and then invest that thing into Bitcoin and use the profits from that investment to pay everyone involved once a month, and then when someone dies their portion of the investment goes to the other participants.”
“…you just described a tontine.”
“A what?”
“A tontine. The thing you're describing. It's been around since the 17th century. Are you reinventing the bus again?”
“No way, man! This one's different, this one uses JIT-compiled vue.js and blockchain smart contracts to keep track of the system!”
“Brilliant. Here's a million dollars, we're gonna be rich!”
by tariqk November 21, 2022
Get the reinventing the busmug. Figuring out something quickly by just using estimates to the closest power of ten, because sometimes you just want to know if the thing you're doing is worth or is gonna cost ten bucks, a hundred, or a cool grand.
Named after Fermi Estimation, a trick used by Enrico Fermi to wow his fellow nerds at parties by estimating shit without knowing 100% everything about the problem, sometimes without even writing shit down. You're not going to get exact numbers, but you're gonna get close enough.
Most notably, dude estimated the power of a fucking nuclear bomb by just dropping papers as the bomb went off and measuring how far the shockwave moved that shit — and he was only off by a bit.
Named after Fermi Estimation, a trick used by Enrico Fermi to wow his fellow nerds at parties by estimating shit without knowing 100% everything about the problem, sometimes without even writing shit down. You're not going to get exact numbers, but you're gonna get close enough.
Most notably, dude estimated the power of a fucking nuclear bomb by just dropping papers as the bomb went off and measuring how far the shockwave moved that shit — and he was only off by a bit.
Okay, so we don't know what the price of the stuff is — fuck it, just assume it's ten bucks, fermi it and we'll call the guy when he wakes up, we just need to know if this gonna make us big bucks or to just forget about it.
by tariqk July 13, 2022
Get the fermimug. A condition that affects folks who become CEOs, CFOs, COOs, CSOs, and other kinds of C-Suite officers, where their skill levels in common, every day tasks (and sometimes their morality and empathy) become severely impaired, as the sudden rush of power, stress and sometimes crushing sense of responsibility (hahahahah, okay, just kidding, it's copious amounts of alcohol and drugs like cocaine) start damaging the parts of the brain involved in figuring out consequences and making estimates, because planning around consequences and making accurate estimates are for the little people and hoi polloi.
Yes, I know he's an ACCA-certified accountant, and you just saw him flub trying to figure out how much tip he was supposed to pay, but you gotta understand… he got promoted to CFO six months ago, and what you're seeing is C-Suite Brain Damage in action.
by tariqk December 11, 2018
Get the C-Suite Brain Damagemug. Finally take into account the one final factor that transforms your brilliant plan/strategy into the terrible idiotic clusterfuck that it truly is.
Anarch: …I may have made a slight error in my calculations.
Punchline: When you were adding the numbers up, did you remember to carry the stupid?
Anarch: YES! …no.
Punchline: When you were adding the numbers up, did you remember to carry the stupid?
Anarch: YES! …no.
by tariqk December 05, 2021
Get the Carry the Stupidmug. Describes a mythical age, where a plague didn't ravage the world, the Internet and news weren't full of nutters, no one was setting the planet on fire for stupid, ugly, JPEGs, and everything made sense (circa: before 2016).
by tariqk March 07, 2022
Get the 10,000 years agomug. Originating from video games, it stands for non-player character. It has a double-edged meaning:
To the person using the term, they are advertising that they have a better sense of perspective and understanding to the world than other people in society.
To everyone listening to that person use that term unironically, they know that the person has a massive empathy deficit and is at best woefully emotionally under-developed, and at worst a raging sociopath.
To the person using the term, they are advertising that they have a better sense of perspective and understanding to the world than other people in society.
To everyone listening to that person use that term unironically, they know that the person has a massive empathy deficit and is at best woefully emotionally under-developed, and at worst a raging sociopath.
“What about this dude, Josh Smith?”
“Yeah… I had a quick conversation with him for a few minutes, and he used ‘NPC’ unironically.”
“Oof, that's bad. Maybe he's young?”
“He also referred to women as ‘females’.”
“Oh, no. Okay, bin him. At the very least we'll save on the sexual harassment lawsuits.”
“Yeah… I had a quick conversation with him for a few minutes, and he used ‘NPC’ unironically.”
“Oof, that's bad. Maybe he's young?”
“He also referred to women as ‘females’.”
“Oh, no. Okay, bin him. At the very least we'll save on the sexual harassment lawsuits.”
by tariqk November 28, 2022
Get the NPCmug.