tariqk's definitions
A condition that affects folks who become CEOs, CFOs, COOs, CSOs, and other kinds of C-Suite officers, where their skill levels in common, every day tasks (and sometimes their morality and empathy) become severely impaired, as the sudden rush of power, stress and sometimes crushing sense of responsibility (hahahahah, okay, just kidding, it's copious amounts of alcohol and drugs like cocaine) start damaging the parts of the brain involved in figuring out consequences and making estimates, because planning around consequences and making accurate estimates are for the little people and hoi polloi.
Yes, I know he's an ACCA-certified accountant, and you just saw him flub trying to figure out how much tip he was supposed to pay, but you gotta understand… he got promoted to CFO six months ago, and what you're seeing is C-Suite Brain Damage in action.
by tariqk December 11, 2018
Get the C-Suite Brain Damagemug. A terrible word used by early Millenials (born circa early 1980s) to disassociate themselves from those other younger millenials and to tell their Boomer parents and Gen-Xer elder siblings that they aren't like those other young people, they're not cringe, or whatever it is young people use today, they remember what it was like when VCR was king and TVs were made out of cathode tubes and there was no Internet.
Fallen out of disuse when those so-called Xennials realized that it doesn't matter how not-cringe you are, they're still gonna kill you with wage theft, student debt, and all the other tools of generational class war at their disposal.
Fallen out of disuse when those so-called Xennials realized that it doesn't matter how not-cringe you are, they're still gonna kill you with wage theft, student debt, and all the other tools of generational class war at their disposal.
Unlike those other Millenials, I am a Xennial, and I know what it is like to live without smartphones glued to my face every day.
No one cares, Kathy, we're all getting murdered with student debt, just lift your picket sign higher and shout louder.
No one cares, Kathy, we're all getting murdered with student debt, just lift your picket sign higher and shout louder.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
Get the Xennialmug. To actually take into account the costs of retaining a Great Man in any organization. Costs include the number of people said Great Man drives out of the organization due to their behavior, the amount of legal fees that they could expose said organization to due to anti-harassment lawsuits made by other members, organizational reputation loss, etc.
Clarence: …and that's why I recommend that the board does not terminate Mr. Stallman's role in our organization.
Kelly: Okay, go back to slide 15…
Clarence: Got you. What's your question, Kelly?
Kelly: I was afraid of that. You forgot to carry the great man. What happens when you do that, Clarence?
Clarence: Oh, right. Let me put that in the spreadsheet… huh. I guess we should fire Mr. Stallman's ass, then.
Kelly: I was afraid so.
Kelly: Okay, go back to slide 15…
Clarence: Got you. What's your question, Kelly?
Kelly: I was afraid of that. You forgot to carry the great man. What happens when you do that, Clarence?
Clarence: Oh, right. Let me put that in the spreadsheet… huh. I guess we should fire Mr. Stallman's ass, then.
Kelly: I was afraid so.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
Get the Carry the Great Manmug. A term used in software engineering to define a period of time before a promised feature or bugfix will be released. The period of time is usually, “Never.”
We'd like to thank all or users for their patience and forbearance during really difficult time, and we'd like to announce that all the feature requests and critical bugfixes will be released Real Soon Now™.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
Get the Real Soon Now™mug. Like “reinventing the wheel”, but for techbros.
More precisely, it is to spend an incredible amount of money, time and mental effort to finally come to a solution that was actually figured out decades or even centuries ago.
Bonus points if you end up making yet another app using the blockchain, so that in order for you to use it, you need to put your SSN on a distributed public ledger so that it can get pwned by Russian hackers.
More precisely, it is to spend an incredible amount of money, time and mental effort to finally come to a solution that was actually figured out decades or even centuries ago.
Bonus points if you end up making yet another app using the blockchain, so that in order for you to use it, you need to put your SSN on a distributed public ledger so that it can get pwned by Russian hackers.
“Ok, pitch it.”
“Ok so like basically we get people to pool their money together into one thing and then invest that thing into Bitcoin and use the profits from that investment to pay everyone involved once a month, and then when someone dies their portion of the investment goes to the other participants.”
“…you just described a tontine.”
“A what?”
“A tontine. The thing you're describing. It's been around since the 17th century. Are you reinventing the bus again?”
“No way, man! This one's different, this one uses JIT-compiled vue.js and blockchain smart contracts to keep track of the system!”
“Brilliant. Here's a million dollars, we're gonna be rich!”
“Ok so like basically we get people to pool their money together into one thing and then invest that thing into Bitcoin and use the profits from that investment to pay everyone involved once a month, and then when someone dies their portion of the investment goes to the other participants.”
“…you just described a tontine.”
“A what?”
“A tontine. The thing you're describing. It's been around since the 17th century. Are you reinventing the bus again?”
“No way, man! This one's different, this one uses JIT-compiled vue.js and blockchain smart contracts to keep track of the system!”
“Brilliant. Here's a million dollars, we're gonna be rich!”
by tariqk November 21, 2022
Get the reinventing the busmug. The problem when you own a space that if you let certain groups of people in, such as, in this example, Nazis, you'll literally drive everyone else away from your space, so that what started off as a normal, ordinary space will become, essentially, a Nazi bar.
It's not only Nazis — it can be fascists, white supremacists, meth-heads, PUAs, cryptocurrency fanboys — some groups will be so odious to others that they will drive everyone else from your space, so the only solution that you can enact is to ensure that they don't come to your place, even if they're nice and polite and "follow your rules", because while they might, their friends won't, those friends have a history of driving away other people from other spaces.
It's not only Nazis — it can be fascists, white supremacists, meth-heads, PUAs, cryptocurrency fanboys — some groups will be so odious to others that they will drive everyone else from your space, so the only solution that you can enact is to ensure that they don't come to your place, even if they're nice and polite and "follow your rules", because while they might, their friends won't, those friends have a history of driving away other people from other spaces.
Yeah, he kicked you out of the Discord, but he has the Nazi Bar Problem to deal with — he can't just let you in, you and your friends would drive away his other server members.
by tariqk December 5, 2021
Get the Nazi Bar Problemmug. Chief Information Officer. If you read the industry publications, Chief Information Officers are at the vanguard of today's information-centric workplace. In practice, it's basically some poor schlub who's been given a fancier “IT Manager” hat, who's been given the responsibility to fix the dumpster fire that is your IT Systems, by giving “suggestions” that are roundly ignored by the Board while the CEO and CFO pilfer the coffers to buy hookers and blow, and to play the role of fall guy when the whole scam collapses.
by tariqk December 12, 2018
Get the CIOmug.