stephen w. thomas's definitions

alternachav

The large 'dignified' group that fit in between the alternative groups such as punk, emo and indie, and the chav groups. Alteranchavs are easily identified by their high street clothes (New Look, Topman and River Island) and the fact that they always sit near the chavs at school, in hope of being 'promoted'. This is not to say that they know they want to be chavs, it is all a deep psychological need. If you need to identify an alternachav in a hurry, just ask them who The Shins are. Or shout out 'The chavs need a new cronie!' at the top of your voice.

Emo: Hey, heard The Shins new album?
Alternachav: Yeah, totally.
Emo: Ha! They don't have a new album!
Alternachav: LikeshutupIdontknownuffinaboutnuffin

by Stephen W. Thomas May 13, 2005

abscess

A right pain in the arse.

"Oh, that's an abscess, that is."

by Stephen W. Thomas October 18, 2004

planage

Used to exclaim the brilliance of good planning.

'So, we'll finish mini-gol, and be at the cinema in time for Bambi'
'Planage!'

by Stephen W. Thomas July 12, 2005

saving the world

A harmless way for girls to describe monthly cycles without making guy friends feel awkward.

'Why are you so squinky Jennifer?'
'Sorry, I'm saving the world at the moment.'

by Stephen W. Thomas July 12, 2005

don't hate

A phrase used by hillbillies on American talk shows like Ricki Lake. It literally translates from hillbillie to 'I admit I'm not as smart/sexy/sure about my gender as you, but please, try not to draw attention to it.'

Ricki Lake: Now we have Mary-Ellen-Susie, who says that it's okay to take her daughter partying, because her daughter is too fat to get laid!"
(Mary-Ellen-Susie wobbles out, and the crowd boo.)
Mary-Ellen-Susie: DON'T HATE, DON'T HATE!

by Stephen W. Thomas October 13, 2004

vacuum-packed cows

A vacuum-packed cow can be found in most fields in Britain throughout autumn and winter. Many believe that the large cylinder black bags are full of hay, but that is an urban legend. Inside these mysterious bags are on average three vacuum-packed cows. These cows have been dehydrated and vacuum packed in order to keep them safe until spring. If you had ever wondered why there were a lot less cows in the fields in winter, you now know. Obviously not all cows are vacuum-packed, as it is still a new technology, and can be dangerous to cows, or require them to have months of therapy afterwards.

Farmer Brown started vacuum-packing his cows around October, so they could get used to their vacuumed environment.

by Stephen W. Thomas May 9, 2005

The Self Preservation Society

1) See 'The Italian Job' (Original, dumbass)
2) A small group of people in North-East Kansas, who have a pact to preserve each other's entire bodies in jars when they die, so that generations aftr them can learn what it is like to scream in horror.

1) 'This is The Self Preservation Society'
2) 'I pledge to pickle my brother, and uphold the sacred laws of The SPS.

by Stephen W. Thomas May 15, 2005