stephen w. thomas's definitions

Chavil

A mixture of chav and devil. Effectively, a townie who thinks they are a satanist, but are really townies deep inside.

The chevil only pretended to worship satan, but had a shrine to fcuk in his closet.

by Stephen W. Thomas October 13, 2004

Woodland Bear

A large, round, mammal-like creature, known for his strange dancing and general attitude to life. How wonderful. Woodland Bear lives near the Ashdown Forest, close to his cousin Winnie. Also known as Woodland, WoodyB and Wooders.

Woodland Bear, Woodland Bear,
Is he here?
No, he's there.
Woodland Bear.

by Stephen W. Thomas July 16, 2008

turd monkey

1) A phrase which is used to express disgust towards a person. Not to be mistaken with monkey turd. A turd monkey is generally someone who annoys or disgusts you, but can be used on anyone who generally pisses you off.
2) A statue of a monkey made out of a turd.

1) "You complete and utter turd monkey."
2) "That's a good turd monkey there, Stan."

by Stephen W. Thomas October 12, 2004

vacuum-packed cows

A vacuum-packed cow can be found in most fields in Britain throughout autumn and winter. Many believe that the large cylinder black bags are full of hay, but that is an urban legend. Inside these mysterious bags are on average three vacuum-packed cows. These cows have been dehydrated and vacuum packed in order to keep them safe until spring. If you had ever wondered why there were a lot less cows in the fields in winter, you now know. Obviously not all cows are vacuum-packed, as it is still a new technology, and can be dangerous to cows, or require them to have months of therapy afterwards.

Farmer Brown started vacuum-packing his cows around October, so they could get used to their vacuumed environment.

by Stephen W. Thomas May 9, 2005

saving the world

A harmless way for girls to describe monthly cycles without making guy friends feel awkward.

'Why are you so squinky Jennifer?'
'Sorry, I'm saving the world at the moment.'

by Stephen W. Thomas July 12, 2005

don't hate

A phrase used by hillbillies on American talk shows like Ricki Lake. It literally translates from hillbillie to 'I admit I'm not as smart/sexy/sure about my gender as you, but please, try not to draw attention to it.'

Ricki Lake: Now we have Mary-Ellen-Susie, who says that it's okay to take her daughter partying, because her daughter is too fat to get laid!"
(Mary-Ellen-Susie wobbles out, and the crowd boo.)
Mary-Ellen-Susie: DON'T HATE, DON'T HATE!

by Stephen W. Thomas October 13, 2004

The Self Preservation Society

1) See 'The Italian Job' (Original, dumbass)
2) A small group of people in North-East Kansas, who have a pact to preserve each other's entire bodies in jars when they die, so that generations aftr them can learn what it is like to scream in horror.

1) 'This is The Self Preservation Society'
2) 'I pledge to pickle my brother, and uphold the sacred laws of The SPS.

by Stephen W. Thomas May 15, 2005