magickdio's definitions
Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Get the Slow Jobmug. Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes time.
by MagickDio June 3, 2010
Get the Horny Eye Syndromemug. 1) Bad music.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
"I was getting a lift with Josh, but I'll be taking the bus from now on, due to the massive dose of Prince related ear poison he pumped into the car"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
by MagickDio May 18, 2010
Get the Ear poisonmug. 1) David Dickinson, and Tim Wonnacott- those dicks from the TV show, Bargain Hunt. The fact that they are the king twats of daytime television, and that they presents a show called Bargain Hunt earns them each the title "Bargain Cunt"
2) A cheap hooker- probably all the cheaper because she has syphillis.
2) A cheap hooker- probably all the cheaper because she has syphillis.
1) "Urgh, change the channel to Fern and Phillip, those Bargain Cunts make me angry with their ridiculous "fun frame" glasses"
2) "So the GUM clinic called and said I have herpes. I knew I shouldn't have settled for Bargain Cunt"
2) "So the GUM clinic called and said I have herpes. I knew I shouldn't have settled for Bargain Cunt"
by MagickDio February 26, 2010
Get the Bargain Cuntmug. 1) Putting a large amount of effort into doing something badly. More often than not, unintentionally. People that are doing the fuck jobs rarely see their utter abortions as anything except works of art.
2) When you injure yourself spectacularly in an incredibly stupid fashion.
2) When you injure yourself spectacularly in an incredibly stupid fashion.
1) The men watched, transfixed. Even after their handy hints, Sheila continued fuckjobbing the Creosote and gazing appreciatively at the terrible mess.
2) Sorry I didn't text you back. It was due to me fuckjobbing my finger by poking the blades on my blender when it was plugged in.
2) Sorry I didn't text you back. It was due to me fuckjobbing my finger by poking the blades on my blender when it was plugged in.
by MagickDio July 6, 2011
Get the Fuckjobbingmug. When someone is so fat that their wrists and hands merge, this person has "wrands". Wrands usually have that fold of flesh, making it appear as if the person is wearing a meaty jumper. Cute on a baby, absolutely vile on an adult. Wrandy folk love pie, and are rarely seen without food of some kind, even though they insist their disgusting, morbid weight problem is "glandular"
by MagickDio March 7, 2010
Get the Wrandsmug. The process by which a normal situation is made into a more homosexual one.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
guy- "We're not going to the Red Lion, that's Rory's local. Last time we went in there, he had us giving him advice on jeans, remember? This is gonna be a good night, as long as we don't let anyone gay it up"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
by MagickDio May 13, 2010
Get the Gay It Upmug.