keifermail's definitions

Asskissitis

Contagious disease that is caused by employees seeing others getting promoted by kissing the bosses ass and they follow suit. Symptoms include brown nose and lips with blindness to the bosses ineptitude.

Have you seen how brown Sheila's lips are lately, looks like she has a bad case of asskissitis.

by keifermail June 29, 2009

too much loft

Is a sarcastic derogatory double entendre , usually made after a terrible golf shot. The key is the acronym l.o.f.t. meaning lack of fucking talent. It is best used against an unsuspecting victim who presumes by loft you mean the loft of the golf club.

Playing partner, "I think you had too much loft on that shot."
Shot maker, "No, I just caught it a little fat."
Playing partner, "By L.O.F.T. I meant lack of fucking talent, dillweed."

by keifermail August 23, 2008

Bush Defense

N. A defense mechanism where the current administration uses psychological strategies brought into play by a deep rooted hate in the former President Bush's adminstration to cope with the reality that the current president's strategies are a failure. The Bush Defense mechanism becomes pathological because its persistent use leads to maladaptive behavior such that many begin to believe it is the former president's fault and the overall health of the nation is adversely affected. The purpose of the Bush Defence Mechanisms is to protect the Obama Adminstration from blame for current national problems and to provide a refuge from situations with which they cannot cope.

The White House on Tuesday struggled to explain how it was caught short on the unemployment figures, after promising the rate would not reach 8 percent in January.
“The previous administration did not disclose how deep the economic crisis was,” a spokesman said, in yet another attempt to use the Bush Defense.
The administration then tried to shift focus to looking forward at how the administration would prevent further erosion of the job market.
Obama promised back in January that with the stimulus passing, unemployment would probably peak at 8 percent late this year.
The current unemployment rate is 9.5 percent.

by keifermail July 11, 2009

Heinous Anus Fragrance

Flatulence of the worst kind. A severe fart that is like an obscene phone call from nature. The air--dank, fetid, unsavory and far from fresh--feels as if it is being exhaled into one's face from a nuclear blast channeled through an unkempt brown eye. Sometimes the smell even tastes like effluvious rotting death- beer vomit, infected diarrhea, gangrene, and the mystery smell of the river entering the ocean at low tide, amplifying the intrusion of feculent compost. It is obscene and repulsive, harsh and violent at the same time. In close proximity, miles from the barking bowels of the guilty anus, the air maintains this quality of putrid death, although unknown where it acquired a tinge of Satan's rectum, perhaps due to fumes expelled by tormented souls asses being delivered by rancid demons.

A smell awoke him. It was a scent as old as time. It was a hundred aromas of a thousand skunks. It was the tang of sweaty underarm. It was the musk of rough anal sex. It was the muscular rot of Gruyère cheese in urine. It was the spice of rotting savorous road kill. Meaty and redolent of death with decay and repugnant rot. It was horrid and offensive and nauseating and obscene. It was solid and alive - so alive! And it was close, lying right next to him in fact. The vapors invaded his nostrils and his hair rose to their roots. His eyes were as heavy as manhole covers, but he opened them. Through the dying calm inside him snaked the horrible realization that she had expelled another heinous anus fragrance.

by keifermail April 15, 2014

There's Bob!

A secret phrase between two men at a social gathering or sporting event where they can alert the other that a chick with nice breasts is in the vicinity without alerting those around them. The term is simply boob minus an o. Boob-o=bob.

1st Dude: "Hey look there's Bob!" (Points at breast)
2nd Dude: "I am so glad he could make it. I was worried he wouldn't."

by keifermail July 12, 2009

Jetgasm

Occurs when a man rips an especially violent fart at the moment of orgasm thus adding a jet thrust to further explode his seed into the womb. Some men derive extra pleasure from the act of expelling their flatulence whilst they orgasm. Not for the feign of heart, it should only be utilized at the end of a relationship, with a fat chick, or with a really good humored mate.

She didn't like the jetgasm, but man it felt good as hell!

by keifermail June 29, 2009

Tards

Simply, the plural form of the word tard. More than one tard.

Democrats are tards!

by keifermail September 22, 2009