jfman's definitions

Selfie Shock

The unexpected sensation one gets when using their phone to take a picture, only to discover that they left the camera in selfie mode.

Ohh, I want a picture of,… who the hell is that? Oh, it’s just me giving myself a Selfie Shock

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Gyno-Meteorologist

1. Made up profession that studies how weather patterns impact the female reproductive system.
2. What I tell strangers when they ask what I do and I want to end the conversation.

Stranger: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I’m a Gyno-Meteorologist
Stranger: ...

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Keurig Courtesy

The act of patiently performing tasks on the office Keurig machine.

I had to throw away someone else’s K-Cup and fill the reservoir, just to get a cup of coffee. But that’s OK, I don’t mind showing some Keurig Courtesy.

by Jfman August 30, 2018

nilla wafer

What people eat when they run out of cookies.

Damnit, we’re out of cookies. All we have is an 8-year old box of Nilla Wafers in the back of the pantry.

by Jfman August 9, 2018

Breast Redaction

A tattoo across a woman’s chest that is partially obscured by her clothes.

Excuse me mam, could you please take off your top? Due to Breast Redaction, I can’t read your tittoo.

by Jfman August 9, 2018

Dict Jokes

Immature penis jokes that puns off of words that start with “dict”.

Person 1: I bet that secretary is good at dick-tation.
Person 2: That porn star was actually a good actress. She had really good dick-tion.
Person 3: A friend of mine went downtown to hire a male prostitute. I guess he wanted an Urban Dick-tionary.
Person 4 (the mature one who has had enough): Will you all stop with the Dict Jokes?

by Jfman August 9, 2018

Pharmamotion

A specific type of slow motion used in prescription medication commercials to show how much happier people are once they start taking said drug. Side affects include boredom, changing the channel, and/or an irrational fear of having whatever disease the drug treats.

Bill: Change the channel, I hate these pharmamotion commercials.

Fred: But I might need Diflucan.

Bill: Dude, you don’t even have a vagina.

by Jfman August 5, 2018