jfman's definitions

Dict Jokes

Immature penis jokes that puns off of words that start with “dict”.

Person 1: I bet that secretary is good at dick-tation.
Person 2: That porn star was actually a good actress. She had really good dick-tion.
Person 3: A friend of mine went downtown to hire a male prostitute. I guess he wanted an Urban Dick-tionary.
Person 4 (the mature one who has had enough): Will you all stop with the Dict Jokes?

by Jfman August 9, 2018

Lanai

Hawaiian for a private porch attached to a hotel room, perfect for having outdoor sex.

We stayed in a great resort and had tons of lanai sex

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Pee Flow Tree

The process of deciding whether or not to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

I really have to pee. But I don’t want to get out of bed. I wonder if I can make it through the night without having an accident? Is it really that bad to have an accident? No one will know. I probably need to change the sheets anyway. Maybe I should just go ahead and get up to pee now since I’m awake after going through this pee flow tree.

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Humanbumps

On a goose, the condition of their skin when they are in a cold environment and temporarily get little bumps on their skin. Equivalent to goosebumps on a human.

It’s so cold that all the geese have humanbumps.

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Selfie Shock

The unexpected sensation one gets when using their phone to take a picture, only to discover that they left the camera in selfie mode.

Ohh, I want a picture of,… who the hell is that? Oh, it’s just me giving myself a Selfie Shock

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Gyno-Meteorologist

1. Made up profession that studies how weather patterns impact the female reproductive system.
2. What I tell strangers when they ask what I do and I want to end the conversation.

Stranger: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I’m a Gyno-Meteorologist
Stranger: ...

by Jfman August 30, 2018

Keurig Courtesy

The act of patiently performing tasks on the office Keurig machine.

I had to throw away someone else’s K-Cup and fill the reservoir, just to get a cup of coffee. But that’s OK, I don’t mind showing some Keurig Courtesy.

by Jfman August 30, 2018